Wildest Dreams (Rogue Dream Fae Book 3) Read online

  “Why?” I ask. “Yesterday we decided everything, and—”

  “Is that why you decided it was time to cheat?”

  I blink a few times as shock runs through me. “What?”

  “I saw you. Last night, with Gilla.”

  Utter confusion swirls inside me as I try to make out what she’s saying. I don’t want to just call my mate crazy.

  “I have never touched Gilla in my life,” I say firmly. “That won’t change, ever. Regardless of any reservation.”

  Her eyes narrow hatefully. “Like I’d ever believe you. I saw you kissing her last night.”

  “I never left the bed,” I say quickly. “Only to go to the bathroom.”

  “You were gone,” she says. “God, just stop lying! It’s over, Jerrek. I saw you.”

  “At least tell me what you saw happening since you’re apparently going to hang me for it.”

  “Really? You’re going to make me do this? Make me go all over it again? Will you get some sick satisfaction?” She looks down. “Sometimes my dad almost got off on hurting her, I swear.”

  “Hurting who?”

  “My mom,” she says, glancing my way. “I won’t be like her. I won’t fall so hard I let someone fool me. Lie to my face.”

  “What you saw must have been an illusion,” I say quickly. “I swear, Sandra, I would never touch another woman.”

  “I saw you!” She whips away from me, tears in her eyes, and I walk up behind her, wishing I could comfort her somehow.

  I hate how distraught she is, even if I’m confused as to why.

  “I saw you kiss her,” she says, moving away from me, staring at me with hate and rage in her eyes. “You’re a cheater, just like he was. I won’t wait for you to get worse.”

  “I understand that what you saw hurt you, but it was only an illusion. I wasn’t with her, I swear—”

  Her eyes meet mine furiously. “You weren’t in bed.”

  “I might have been in the bathroom. Sandra, I’d rather light myself on fire than be with that woman. With anyone but you.”

  “Easy for you to say, when you were gone at the same time you were making out with Gilla.” Her eyes narrow. “You even went to see her the other day. You admit it. So why even bother to trick me if she’s the one you want?”

  “She’s not,” I say, frustrated. “I don’t want her. How many times do I have to say that? When are you going to believe me?”

  She stares at me, so beautiful it makes my heart ache. But I can see the horror of the past in her eyes. “So if that’s some kind of illusion, is that what you’re going to say every time you cheat? Oh, Sandra, you saw one of those illusions again.” She puts a hand to her face. “I don’t want this. It’s already hard enough to trust. I don’t want to have to trust someone when I have to watch them making out with someone else.”

  “But I didn’t,” I say. “I don’t know how to make you believe me.”

  “You can’t,” she says. “I see you were too good to be true all along.”

  “You’re just overwhelmed. Gilla must have tricked you. Maybe entered your dreams or something—”

  “I know what I saw.” Her hands are clenched in fists at her side. “I want my mom, and I want to go home. Before any of us is tricked any more.”

  “I know you’re hurt, that you’re afraid I’m like your father, but, Sandra, I swear. You’re the only one I want.”

  “I need to go,” she says. “Back to my world. To be with my friends. None of their mates made out with another woman.”

  “I didn’t!” I’m furious now, wondering what exactly happened to make her think I could ever cheat on her. “I waited a thousand years, Sandra. Do you know how many queens wanted to have sex with me? I had sex with none of them. I want only you!”

  She just stares at me, weary and hurt. “I want to go home. I can’t work out these tricks. Things were already going too fast.”

  “But what about the reservation?”

  “You should have thought about that before you cheated. I guess you two will be really happy together.”

  That hurts me more than she knows, and I take a step back. “You never would have trusted me, would you?”

  She just stares. “I don’t know. I can’t now. You were kissing her!”

  “I know,” I say. “I know that’s what you say, but I didn’t kiss her. Or touch her. I promise. Just stay here. We’ll figure it out—”

  “And let you trick me more? No. Send me home, Jerrek. I’m hurt. I need to clear my head.”

  “I can’t,” I say, shaking my head. “Sandra, don’t do this. Don’t let her shake us like this.”

  But Sandra is so hurt, so panicked by what has happened, that I can’t get her to see sense.

  She just shakes her head and repeats her wish to leave, so I have no choice but to make a portal.

  I promised if she wanted to go, I would let her.

  “That will take you to the hospital wing to get your mother. When you’re ready, I’ll make you another portal home.” I turn to walk away. “I’m going to get to the bottom of this. Even if it’s too late for us, I’m not letting her get what she wants.”

  That seems to make Sandra hesitate for a moment, but then her face hardens.

  Thinking of how I would feel if I saw her with another man, I want to burn down my entire kingdom. So I suppose I can understand how she feels.

  And trying to convince her now when I have no proof just seems even more suspicious.

  Damn her father for everything he did, but I’m not giving up on my soul bond.

  Even if I have to keep earning her trust every day.

  With one last look at me, she steps into the portal.

  And I turn and go to find Gilla to sort all of this out.

  19

  Sandra

  When Jerrek’s portal sends me into my mom’s room, she’s already awake, sitting up in her bed, watching the moonlight through the room.

  “Sandra!” She smiles at me, looking better than she has in years. She looks better every time I see her.

  How can I take her away from here?

  “We need to leave,” I say, already losing my resolve. “At least, I do. I don’t want to separate from you, but I have to go.”

  She pushes herself up a little straighter, eyes widening in concern. “What happened? I thought you were getting closer with that nice man, Jerrek.” She grins.

  My heart tightens like a rope is drawn around it. “We’re not together anymore.” I look down at the ground. “I really need to go.”

  “Honey, what happened?” She swings her legs over the bed and gets up, coming over to hug me.

  I feel bad, but I don’t feel able to move over to her, so she has to come over to me.

  She wraps her arms around me, inhales deeply, and sighs, then pulls back. “My darling, I know I did wrong by you. Staying with your father so long. I gave you the wrong idea about men.”

  “Why did you stay, though?” I ask. “He was horrible. He hurt you. Always, I had to watch him hurt you. I love you. I’ve never hated you for anything because you were the victim.”

  “I wasn’t only a victim,” my mom says, looking at me sadly. “It’s just hard when you love someone. When you felt like they once loved you. Plus, he was your father. I wanted to try and make it work. Everything kept escalating slowly. Like a frog in warm water that is slowly turned up to a boil.” She shakes her head. “I should have climbed out sooner. I didn’t know how.”

  She sits on the side of her bed, and I come over and put an arm around her shoulder, resting my head against hers gently.

  “I get it,” I say. “Men can really sweep you off your feet, even if they’re unfaithful.”

  She stands immediately, looking furious, her hands in clenched fists. “Unfaithful? Jerrek? Is that why you want to leave?”

  I nod. “I saw him.”

  Her eyes narrow, and she looks genuinely confused. “He’s crazy about you. I mean, the real way. Not like y
our father. When I finally left him, I was able to see how much of what he’d done was just charming and love-bombing. But by the time I’d finally fallen out of love, it was too late. But Jerrek, I don’t see him like that. I think I would catch someone acting like your father did. Now that I’m older, and more mature, I think I would see if Jerrek was bad to you.”

  “How much do you remember about the past few years?” I ask.

  She eyes me guiltily. “I know I haven’t been there. Days pass, and I don’t know where I am. I assume you put me in a home.”

  “I didn’t have a choice,” I say, folding my hands in my lap. “You were constantly confusing meds. Panicking.”

  Tears bite at her eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

  I hold her close. “It’s not your fault. It just happens.”

  “I let him wreck my mind,” she says. “Or maybe it was genetic.” She looks out the window again, at the moon shining outside the windows. “Or maybe it’s this world, returning me to who I am.” She smiles. “You know, I never felt quite normal.”

  “I get that,” I say.

  “But I’ve always been proud of you,” she says. “My beautiful daughter, so much smarter than me. I’m glad you avoided my mistakes, but I don’t wish for you to be lonely just because my relationship scared you.”

  “So I’m just supposed to forget cheating?” I ask. “No, I can’t.”

  “No,” she says. “Not at all. But I can’t imagine Jerrek cheating. I’m sure you confronted him, so what did he say?”

  “He said it wasn’t what it looked like. I saw them kissing. I heard him moan.”

  “But couldn’t it be an illusion? Doesn’t that happen sometimes in the dream realm?”

  “That would be convenient. Besides, he wasn’t in bed.”

  “He could have been in the bathroom.”

  “Why would that woman just be able to get in and do an illusion, just at the moment Jerrek is already gone, hm?”

  “What did Jerrek say?” She cocks her head at me.

  Anger rushes through me, and it’s difficult to keep calm. “I don’t get why you keep coming back to that. He’s a liar.”

  “I don’t think so,” she says. “Your father was a liar. A nightmare. Jerrek has been nothing but a gentleman, coming in to check on me.”

  “What if that’s just pleasing behavior? Trying to win you over?”

  “I don’t think so,” she says. “He’d be love-bombing you, not me.” She shrugs. “I’m just the mother.”

  “You’re my mother,” I say. “And it’s so amazing to have you back. I could almost forgive Jerrek for tearing my heart apart just because he brought you back to me.” My eyes sting with tears, and I swipe them away quickly. “You don’t know how it’s been.”

  “I’m so sorry,” she says.

  And for a moment, we just cry and hold each other.

  But then she raises her head. “I want to enjoy this moment. I want to just let it be about us.” She inhales, clearly steeling herself for something. “But I think you’re wrong about Jerrek. I think you’re making a terrible mistake.”

  “I’m not,” I say. “Mom, I’m not staying with a cheater. I don’t want… Dad.”

  She sighs. “Your father didn’t start that way. He never would have done anything as obvious as kissing a woman in front of me, in the same building.” She glares. “To me, that sounds planned. Like someone wanted you to think he was cheating when he wasn’t.”

  I’m so confused, and my entire body hurts just from the stress of it.

  Could it be an illusion? How could it feel so real?

  “Honey, I need to tell you something, something I haven’t been well enough to tell you before.”

  “Yes?”

  “Love is worth it,” she says softly. “I got you. I’m still living. None of us are promised everything. Yes, I wish I could have another chance at it, but I wouldn’t go back. I have you. Love, when it goes well, is one of the most wonderful things in the universe. If I stay here, if my brain stays well, then I plan to try again.”

  My eyes go wide. “After everything? Are men worth it?”

  She nods. “I believe so. I believe love is worth it. Just because you see someone pick up a tasty sandwich and bite into it, only to find worms, it doesn’t mean there will be worms in every sandwich.”

  I lean forward, putting my face in my hands and letting out an exasperated sigh. “I don’t know how to trust. Not when I actually have to watch him cheat, regardless of whether it’s an illusion.”

  “I don’t think it’s going to be a regular thing,” my mom says. “Look, unlike me, you’ve had good intuition. Your problem with Jerrek up to this point was just that he was moving too fast.”

  I nod.

  “But you never thought he was like this.”

  “I think people hide things for a long time. You can never truly know.”

  She takes my hand in hers. “Please. Just stay with me here tonight. Don’t run away. Not yet. Not when it’s clear to me that this is just how someone wants you to behave.”

  I consider it, but my heart is still pounding. I’ve seen so much as a divorce lawyer. So much can go wrong.

  Perhaps part of this is my fault. I just haven’t been addressing how much fear I really have regarding relationships.

  And Jerrek has been so wonderful… I guess it makes sense that I was starting to get scared.

  Now that my heart has gotten involved.

  She puts a hand on my arm. “What do you truly feel, in your heart, about him?”

  “In my heart, it seems like he was made for me,” I say softly. “In my heart… he’s mine. That’s why this hurts so much. When I saw him in her arms, I thought I was dying. I thought the past was repeating. That I was cursed.”

  “I think your heart is right this time,” my mother says. “I think you should go to him, talk some more.”

  “He could just gaslight me—”

  “He wouldn’t,” my mother says. “And you’re fierce, Sandra. If you let yourself calm, handle this logically, I know you’ll be able to tell truth from lie. I don’t think he’ll trick you.” She straightens. “I won’t let him. I swear, I learned my lesson. I was raised in a way that just taught me to accept how men treated me. I was taught that a man was the head of the household, and I was to submit. I was taught divorce was wrong, no matter the reason, and if you’re being abused, you’re still part of the problem and need to try and fix it by being better. I thought it was my fault when he cheated because I wasn’t enough in the bedroom, and my body did change with pregnancy…” She sighs. “In our world, people hate women, though they don’t want to admit it. They didn’t let us have checking accounts, vote, or own property for so many years. Society stands on our shoulders, on the backs of our deaths and suffering in childbirth, and then we’re given rights behind everyone else.”

  “Exactly,” I say. “That’s why we have to be careful.”

  She nods. “They let our rapists and abusers run around free. They let women be killed by their husbands and partners every day, every year. That’s why I’ve been so proud of my daughter, not accepting the fake promises I accepted. That if I found Prince Charming and married him, the rest would work out.”

  “I don’t blame you for that,” I say. “It should have worked out. The fairy tales say so.”

  “I’ve been so happy seeing you fly into the world. Having a career like I might have liked to have. Not that I didn’t treasure being your mother, but with a monster of a man like your father in the house, it was never idyllic. So yes, seeing you chase your career, help put bad men in their place, and save women from marriages like mine has made me proud of you, and happy for you.”

  “Thank you, that means a lot to me,” I say. “I wanted to be free. And I hate seeing women hurt.”

  “But it has also made me worry for you, that you are so closed off to love.”

  “You don’t understand what men are like, Mom. It’s not just Dad. I’ve seen so many
over the years.”

  “I know.” Her eyes meet mine somberly. “I have lived on Earth a long time and met a lot of men. You were at college during my phase where I got angry, after leaving your father, but I’m aware of how unfair things are.”

  “Right?”

  “But it’s not like that here,” she says. “Jerrek wasn’t raised like that. He respects you. And there are men like that on Earth too, that would sacrifice anything for others and truly love their partners. But our society doesn’t make it the default.”

  “I’m just so angry,” I say, looking down at my hands, which are twisting painfully in my lap. “I don’t know how to stop being angry and just fall in love, especially when everything keeps getting more difficult and complicated.” I exhale. “I wanted to take time and get to know someone, not be rushed to love them in a week.”

  “But do you?”

  “Do I what?” I stare at her in confusion.

  “Love him?”

  I bite my lip. “I do. I think so. But not enough to hate myself by staying with a man who cheats.”

  “But what if he didn’t cheat? What if he never would?”

  “So I’m supposed to just be okay with seeing that kind of illusion?”

  “Maybe it won’t happen again?” She looks almost ready to give up, and I feel slightly bad for becoming so hard. “No one said anything in life would be easy. You had to fight for your law degree, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “And you had to fight to get your job and build a good reputation?”

  I nod.

  “Then why won’t you at least try to stay and fight for love? Jerrek would never cheat. Please believe me. He would never.”

  It’s hard because this is the woman who used to not remember my name when I came to visit her.

  I’m so happy to be here with her, as she used to be. And I don’t want to go back to the human world if this place is better for her.

  I firm up my lips, coming to a resolution. I’ll stay in the fae world for her. And because I can’t bring myself to fully abandon Jerrek.

  But I can’t go talk to him either. I just need time to be hurt.

  It was already asking a lot for me to be ready in a week. Asking me to ignore the evidence of my own eyes is another level of difficulty.