Remem-bear Me (Polar Heat Book 4) Read online

  Mating Sam. Marrying Sam. Holding her boys. Her sons. She sobbed, remembering how much they had meant to her. They’d been everything.

  Why hadn’t Sam just come found her? But that was unfair. There was no way he’d been able to. Presumably, the poachers had been confused to see a human woman and had called for help. Her shifter constitution must have been strong enough to survive in the snow until help came. Then she’d probably been transported away by a life flight.

  She raised her head, not wanting to go through any more of this with everyone waiting outside. She had no clean words for them. No rational apologies or explanations. She was a coward who had run out on her family and been shot, and as a result, she’d been away from them for too many years.

  And even worse, she could feel her bear in her again, wild and at odds with her human. Urging her to run.

  If she stayed, how long would it be until she hurt them again? It would be best to leave now. She was no good for them. She would only cause pain. They’d gotten along fine without her. They had good mates and kids of their own, and surely Sam could find joy with his grandchildren.

  She had promised him not to leave, but she couldn’t stay. Not knowing what she’d done. Not knowing the creature inside her could force her to do it all over again.

  No, now that her bear had woken up, her time with him was over, and the best thing she could do was walk out of his life before he could get any more attached.

  She would simply disappear into bear form again. She wasn’t good enough for Sam.

  * * *

  Sam waited with his sons. Sebastien had come out of the bathroom to sit on a couch with Kim, and the kids were playing in the middle of the floor.

  Then a little polar bear cub waddled into the center of them and sat on her butt.

  “Wait, did she just come out of…?” Sky looked at Leah.

  Leah looked at Sam. “The master bedroom…it connects…”

  Sam put the pieces together. He listened keenly for what was going on in the bedroom. He hadn’t heard the sobs for a while, so he was just waiting for her to compose herself and come out. Trying to give her space. Trying to show he trusted her.

  But now that was all off, and his heart was pounding, wondering if she’d seen Samantha as a cub and remembered her bear.

  The silence coming from the bedroom haunted him.

  What if she left? What if she left?

  The question pounded through him as he broke away from his family and ran to the bedroom, kicking the door open and looking inside. Cool tropical breeze hit him with the truth of an open window, and his heart sank like an anchor dropped in a bottomless ocean.

  It was all his fears come to life. Could his mate really have come back into his life just to remind him how in love with her he was, only to leave him?

  She’d said she couldn’t. He ran to the window and looked out. There were bear prints leading away from the house.

  His sons broke in behind him.

  “Where’d she go?” Scott asked, hands on his hips.

  “She must have seen Samantha shift and remembered her bear,” Sam said, swearing under his breath. “And she ran. Clearly, I was an idiot to do this all over again. You were right.”

  “No, I wasn’t,” Scott said, putting a hand on Sam’s shoulder and forcing him to look at him. “Clearly, she’s been through a lot, too. You have to go out and find her. And we’re coming with you.”

  Sam nodded. There was no choice. She was running in bear form on a tropical island. Luckily she’d run off in a remote direction and this cottage was already fairly remote. But still, they had to find her before anyone else did.

  She’d been shot when she left before.

  His heart pounded. Suddenly, his hurt didn’t matter anymore. He just had to find her and make sure she was safe this time. If he’d only followed her before… Well, he couldn’t. He had to stay with his sons. But this time…

  “We’re with you, Dad,” Sebastien said, opening the wide window farther so he could step out through it. “But we have to hurry.”

  Sam nodded gratefully. “Let’s go.”

  “Sky, you stay with the mates and cubs. We’re the ones who upset her, we should be the ones to fix it,” Scott said.

  “I don’t know about that,” Sky said, scratching his head. “But I’ll stay here. Your mates will be safe with me.”

  Scott nodded and followed Sebastien out the window. Sam’s heart pounded as he hesitated. What if he couldn’t find her? “What if she won’t come back?”

  Sebastien let out an impatient grunt as he shifted into his bear. “You’ll just have to make her. Dad, you have to be alpha.”

  Sam sighed. His son was right. He hated to do it, but he had to summon his bear to be strong for him when he felt crushed. He got out of the window and shifted into an animal that was larger and stronger than any of his sons. He was the clan alpha, the head male, and right now he needed to bring his mate back for all of them.

  He scented the air briefly and then charged forward into the thick brush. “This way.”

  * * *

  Jo crashed through the trees wildly, not caring for scratches inflicted by low-hanging branches or scrubby brush. Her bear was panting, her human screaming, and all she wanted was to get as far away from the memories as possible.

  So much pain, physically and mentally. It was too much for anyone to bear. She huffed as she ran forward, darting toward wherever it seemed would lead her to the most remote location. She just wanted to keep running until she could disappear. She’d never been meant for something so good. Look what she’d done to it, screwed up everything.

  They were all perfect together. A picture-perfect family and she’d come in and nearly screwed it all up a second time. Sam had gotten over it once, he could do it again.

  She knew she couldn’t think clearly—the pain and fear were clouding everything—and her long-suppressed bear was running the show, but she didn’t feel like she could stop if she tried. It felt like she wasn’t driving, like pure animal instinct was taking over instead.

  She needed Sam. Her human screamed for her to go back to him, her bear screamed for freedom and to get away from everything. She felt herself torn down the middle, but after years of suppression, her bear was winning.

  She felt tears on her cheeks as she ran. Could bears cry? She didn’t feel like she knew anything about the world anymore. Everything she’d known for twenty years was wrong, and the world as it was couldn’t want her anymore. When she told Sam, when she told him she really had just been a coward who was running and been shot, what would he say?

  Her head hurt as a memory came to her, and her running slowed as she remembered more about that awful day. The black spot from before was starting to fill in. Between when she’d argued with and run from Sam, and when she’d been shot.

  Now she distinctly remembered as she’d run through the snow in her desperation, she’d eventually stopped, exhausted, and realized she couldn’t do it again. She didn’t want to leave her family. Didn’t want to leave her sons.

  It was the trip she finally realized she couldn’t run anymore. And despite being many miles from home, she’d turned around to run back to them before they could give up on her. She knew things would be hard there, that it would still take more years to adjust, but she wanted to try.

  And then she’d heard the poachers. And then she’d been shot. And everything had been ruined.

  She hadn’t really meant to leave Sam.

  The thought was too wonderful. She didn’t have to feel quite as terrible of a person. Maybe she didn’t even have to run. Maybe she wouldn’t disappoint her family if she stayed.

  The thought made her pause, just long enough to hear several large shapes come barreling through the woods.

  She barely knew what was happening before she was knocked to the ground and pinned by the largest, angriest polar bear she’d ever seen.

  He was even bigger than she remembered. The lady bear in her rememb
ered him instantly. It was Sam, and he was crouched over her, pinning her to the ground on her back.

  “Sam,” she murmured, trying to get up. A part of her was still flailing, trying to escape, even if another part of her was calming now that she knew she was at least planning to come back to her family.

  She would have gone back, if not for being shot. The thought was soothing in a way she never could have imagined.

  She tried to move again, but he stayed over her, his tremendous weight keeping her in place.

  “I’m not letting you leave. Not ever again, dammit,” he growled in a low, alpha voice that sizzled through her. “You got hurt before because I didn’t find you. But I promise you, Jo, now that our kids are grown, there’s nothing to stop me from chasing you to the ends of the earth. I want to be with you. I always will. If you leave me, you’ll take a part of me I can never get back until I’m with you again. My heart is your heart. Don’t you dare ever try to leave me again.”

  Her heart pounded at his words. He still wanted her. Even after she’d been stupid and run once again. He’d come after her. Chased her. She’d been in frenzy, about to turn around and stop running, and before she could, he’d been there.

  The thought was so reassuring. All of this was so complex and so difficult. She couldn’t do it alone this time. She couldn’t make it home without him.

  She became aware of two other bears standing around them in the woods. Her eyes watered. They were the two most beautiful things she’d ever seen. Her sons, the ones she’d abandoned, had come for her. She didn’t know if she could ever be happier.

  “I’m sorry,” she said to all of them. “But I think I’ve decided to stay. I know your lives are just perfect without me…”

  The bear with the grumpy gaze that reminded her of Sebastien scoffed. She could remember Sebastien now, how funny and surly he’d been. How blunt.

  “Our lives are far from perfect,” he said. “But given how miserable Dad has been without you, you’d be doing us a huge favor if you stayed.”

  Her heart thumped. She didn’t deserve this kindness, but she was grateful for every bit of it.

  “I’m glad you say that,” she replied weakly from underneath Sam. “Because I’m determined to stay. In fact, twenty years ago, I had already realized I couldn’t run anymore and was on my way back to you. If I hadn’t been shot…” She blinked back tears. “If I hadn’t…”

  The third bear came toward her. From the intense look in his blue eyes, she knew it must be Scott. Her eyes watered as she remembered him. Surely her leaving must have been hardest of all on him. Her dutiful, serious son would have borne any burden for the family. He came near to her and then flopped on the ground beside her. Head resting against hers.

  After a moment, Sebastien joined them, until they were just a loosely joined pile of bears in the middle of a remote group of trees. She could feel the love all around her. Feel the pain there too.

  “Our lives aren’t perfect,” Sam croaked, the largest bear of them all. “But we’d much rather it was imperfect with the people we love, then perfect without them.”

  “Oh, Sam,” she said, not caring he was still bodily on top of her. In fact, the weight of him was reassuring, as was the touch of the other two bears.

  “What?” he said.

  “I just love you all so much.”

  “I love you too, sweetheart.”

  The other two bears growled and nudged against her, and they all stayed there together. Trapped in their grief from the past and sharing it together in a way only they could.

  But there, under the trees, despite the difficulty of it all, the hardship, Jo knew she was right where she belonged. She was finally home.

  9

  Jo knew she couldn’t stay in her bear form long after that, so Sam sent his sons back to bring clothing. Luckily, their mates were also curvy bear shifters and they figured they could find something that would fit.

  Jo stayed beneath Sam. His bear seemed incapable of letting her go. She knew she’d scared him when she’d run. She could feel his incredible heartbeat when he’d first tackled her. He’d probably been afraid she could get shot again.

  But she was just glad he was there. Glad there hadn’t been so far to run back alone this time.

  Minutes ticked by and Sam seemed happy to just stay on top of her, guarding her warily, looking this way and that. It was interesting, but his bear was quite different from his human. Very serious and intense and alpha. She kind of liked it.

  “I didn’t know you could be so forceful,” she said, wriggling under him slightly.

  “I didn’t know you liked it,” he said, and she could hear the grin in his voice.

  “My bear does,” she says. “I’d like it if we could spend more time in our bears together.”

  “Honey, we can run free in the forest all the time if that’s what you want. I’d do anything for you.” He paused. “Except we’d have to go somewhere where it wasn’t odd to see bears running around.” He growled. “But where there were no shooters.”

  She nodded. “I remembered everything. I saw one of the girls when she shifted.”

  “Yeah, they’re precocious like that. I’ve never seen any kids shift so young.”

  “Well, they’re ours,” she said, trying to keep from smiling.

  “Yes, they are, and their grandma is a feral, wild mama bear, so I can see why they just can’t keep their bears down.”

  “I hope they aren’t like me in running from what’s best for them, though.”

  He shook his head. “If they do, we’ll be there to guide them back. We’ll be here to do it together.” He went quiet for a moment. “Damn, I can’t tell you how amazing that sounds, after all those years.”

  “You don’t have to tell me. I know.”

  “So you would have come back? A part of me always hoped…”

  She nodded. “I didn’t remember at first. That’s why I ran. I thought I didn’t deserve to be around any of you. I’m surprised you even came for me, after I broke my promise.”

  “I let you run once before, and you were hurt. I couldn’t let it happen ever again.”

  “Luckily, you don’t have to.”

  He rested his head on her. “I promise, if things get hard again, I’ll be here. I’ll help you with whatever you need. Just promise to stay by my side, and I’ll make sure you’re happy. And if you run, let me run with you.”

  “What about the family?” she asked.

  “I love them,” he said. “But they have each other now. You’re it for me. You’re everything.”

  She felt tears welling again and felt stupid because she was tired of crying. “You’re everything to me. I’m so sorry for the years we missed. I’m so sorry I was stupid.”

  “I’m so sorry I didn’t find you. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.”

  They were silent, just holding each other for another long moment, both in incredible pain, both in incredible relief.

  And then a rustling told them their sons were back.

  She grinned at the sight of them, seeing them in human form for the first time since she’d regained her memories. They’d grown into such handsome, tall versions of themselves. She could hardly wait to get to know them, to meet their mates again and start the healing process, all of them together.

  But right now she was exhausted, and she just wanted to shift, get into the clothes they offered, and be alone with Sam. He healed her in ways no one else could, just by being by her side.

  “All right, you two. Leave the clothes and run for it. No one sees my mate,” Sam grumbled.

  She laughed as the men wrinkled their noses in disgust.

  “Ew, Dad. She’s our mom.”

  “Just get out of here,” he said, sounding more and more like the Sam she knew, albeit a grumpier version. She could tell he was close to turning back to his bear.

  She was shaking from the exertion of staying in her bear form. Her bear was unusually strong and wi
ld, but she still hadn’t shifted in a long time, and it was like using muscles that had been long dormant.

  As soon as he was assured their sons were gone, he rolled off her and stood, watching her warily as if he wouldn’t quite believe she was staying until she had the chance to run and didn’t.

  She didn’t. She simply let her body shift and reached wearily for the clothes. When he saw she was shaking, Sam lumbered over and shifted to help her, giving her glimpses of his marvelous naked body as he did so.

  Now that she remembered him from before, she could see the subtle changes in him. The slight deepening of the lines on his face, the broader shoulders and chest and back, the white hairs interspersed across his chest.

  He was older, and he was beautiful. An even stronger, more graceful version of the man she’d known. The man she’d been crazy about. The only one to finally mean more to her than her bear’s need to run, even if it had taken years to get to that point.

  He reached into the pile to pull on his own clothes that had been brought for him. When they were done and she took a shaky step forward, he swept her up into his arms and carried her the whole way back. He made her feel like she weighed nothing. Like she was never a burden at all.

  He made everything possible, with his strength and his forgiveness. She rested her head against his shoulder in gratitude. She let out a happy sigh and he growled in approval.

  When they reached her suite, he set her on the ground and opened the door. “I understand if you’re tired,” he said. “I understand if—”

  She grabbed him by the arm and pulled him in, using her alpha strength to throw him onto the bed. “Understand this. I’m having you. I didn’t go through all that mental trauma to be alone tonight. It’s scary to stay here. It’s scary to commit to working through things. But the only thing that makes it worth it is love, and I want you to make love to me tonight.”