Benny Read online

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” Benny muttered.

  “Well, you need to, and you might as well with me, because I’m not one to judge you. I don’t really judge anyone.”

  “Bullshit, you judge everyone,” Benny muttered.

  Fifi laughed. “I observe everyone, but with my prior sins, I have no right to judge them. Anyway, what happened? Tell me, and maybe I can help.”

  “Unless you can find a cure for my dire bear, you can’t help me.”

  But when Fifi just waited patiently, Benny sighed.

  “Harley set up this big date. She wanted to be with me. I…”

  Fifi exhaled roughly. “You fucked it up, didn’t you? That beautiful girl wants you, and—”

  Benny rolled over, facing Fifi with reddened eyes. “What was I supposed to do? I’m a fucking monster.”

  Fifi flinched slightly in the face of Benny’s anger, but then his face took on a sardonic look. “I don’t believe that. I don’t believe anything inside you could hurt her.”

  “Well, it could,” Benny said. “You don’t know any dires, and you don’t know my past. Trust me. It could.”

  Fifi put a finger to his chin thoughtfully. “I mean. Have you ever tested it?”

  “Sure,” Benny said sarcastically. “Because getting to kiss Harley is worth the risk of turning her into human lasagna. No thanks.”

  Fifi laughed heartily. “What an awful mental image. I have to say, Benny, I always find you entertaining.”

  “Great,” Benny said, not caring in the least.

  “Look,” Fifi said. “I didn’t just come to tell you I had no leads. I did find something with one of my contacts.”

  Benny pushed himself up abruptly to a seated position. “What?”

  Fifi looked hesitant as he pulled a small bottle from his blazer pocket. It was made from blue glass and contained several small yellow pills. “There were very few experiments on dires at the Tribunal. But other experiments led to creatures that… needed to be suppressed.”

  “Suppressed?”

  Fifi’s gaze darkened. “Some things should never be shifted into, ever. The Tribunal’s experiments with dragon blood created a few such things.”

  “What does this have to do with me?” Benny asked impatiently. He winced, trying to soften his tone. Fifi was trying to help, after all, and he didn’t have to. “What are those pills?”

  Fifi handed the bottle over. “Once taken, they suppress shifting instantly. They also might knock you out for a while. But anyway, they’re just a failsafe.”

  Benny stared at them, uncomprehending. “They what?”

  “If you take one of those when you feel your little nasty about to pop out, you can suppress him, protecting those around you.”

  “Are you sure they work?” Benny asked.

  Fifi folded his arms. “They should. The Tribunal’s scientists only did top-notch work. Being threatened with death, for you and your family, has that effect.”

  Benny frowned, thinking that if there were lives out in the shifter world even worse than his, being a scientist for the Tribunal might be one of them. As he turned the bottle in his hands, possibilities started to bubble in him rapidly. “So this… I can really use this?”

  Fifi nodded. “Any time you want. I might even be able to get more of them. But like I say, they are a failsafe. Don’t use them if you don’t have to. Some things might be worth it, though… like maybe trying things with Harley.”

  Benny shook his head violently. “No.” While the pills made him feel a little better about the fact that he could suppress his bear if it was ever about to break out, he didn’t want to press his luck.

  Harley deserved better than that. She—

  “Good God, you’re still going to hesitate?” Fifi asked.

  “Not hesitate,” Benny said. “I’m going to let her move on.”

  Fifi snorted. “I mean honestly… it’s so maudlin. Even with those in your hand giving you a chance to at least explore things, you’re really going to chicken out like that?”

  Benny just stared at him. “I love her. What can I do?”

  Fifi stood abruptly. “So do you still want me to look for a dire cure, or are you just giving up on life in general?” His tone was dour, impatient.

  “You can look,” Benny said. “I doubt you’ll find one.”

  Fifi rolled his eyes, looking about ready to give up on him. “You’re impossible right now. Drunk. Depressed. A crashing bore.”

  Benny just rolled back to face the back of the couch again. “Thanks.”

  Fifi paused as he opened the door, and silence hung heavy in the room between them. “So you’re giving up on Harley, then?”

  Benny shrugged one shoulder. “Do I have a choice?”

  “I guess not, with that attitude. If you won’t even push yourself a little bit, if you can’t even use the pills…”

  Benny shook his head.

  “Then I guess so,” Fifi said, sighing in frustration. There was another long pause, and Benny wondered what Fifi was waiting for.

  “Did you still need something?”

  Fifi’s tone was oddly calm. “So I guess that means Harley is a free agent, then?”

  Benny looked over his shoulder to pin Fifi with a glare. “That’s not funny.”

  Fifi’s lips turned up in a cold smile. “I wasn’t joking.”

  Benny sat up again, firing up despite all the whiskey inside him. “You wouldn’t dare.”

  Fifi’s purple eyes glittered menacingly. “Oh, I think I would. Unlike some people, I don’t mind taking risks to get what I want.”

  Then he was gone, shutting the door behind him, leaving Benny to sink back against the couch with a groan.

  At the image of Fifi even approaching Harley, Benny felt something growl deep inside him.

  Not good, though he knew he could suppress it.

  His animal always felt closest when he was with Harley. When they were touching or doing anything that was more than friendly.

  He held up the little bottle of pills, exposing it to the light. He’d quickly shot down the idea of using them to try things with Harley, but what if Fifi was right?

  What if they did work?

  At the thought of Fifi, or any other man—but especially Fifi—approaching Harley, Benny felt a little bit of courage rise inside him.

  Maybe the pills did work, and if they did…

  But surely, he would have more time to think about it, because Fifi had to be joking about approaching Harley.

  He had to be, right?

  As Harley took her break later that night, she badly wanted to just get a few drinks and wash her pain away but knew it wasn’t a good idea.

  She wanted to have clarity, allow herself to really feel the reality of the situation. She couldn’t do that if she were drunk.

  Besides, Benny seemed to be drinking enough for the both of them, as she kept seeing him go back and forth from the bar.

  If Benny’s frustrated scowls at everyone were any indication, it must take a lot to get a bear drunk. Despite downing probably a dozen drinks, he didn’t seem relaxed at all.

  She shook her head, wondering why the hell he was upset when he’d been the one to turn her down.

  It was his choice, so why be mad about it?

  She took a sip of her water, trying to make sense of all the years she’d spent in love with him, taking any little sign that things were mutual.

  She could swear when they’d danced, when they’d touched, that the look in his eyes was loving…

  But what did that matter if it wasn’t what he wanted?

  She sighed, slumping onto the table with her cheek on her palm. She’d played all her cards, put it all out there for Benny, and he’d turned her down. There was no way to be blunter; it just was what it was.

  And it sucked. Hard.

  She glanced at the window, mesmerized by the rain outside. It was less crowded tonight than usual, maybe because of the rain.

  Sti
ll, Harley liked the sound of rainfall. It echoed the feelings in her heart.

  And like the rain cleansed the earth, she needed to let pain cleanse away her feelings. Her hope for Benny. Her fantasies of them growing old together.

  The idea of being held in his arms…

  Her hand tightened around her water glass, and she wished there was a way to just feel less anger at the situation.

  She’d never wanted to push anything on Benny. She’d just thought it was what both of them wanted. And now things felt so wrong…

  Almost as if they would never be right again.

  “Is this seat taken?”

  She looked up blearily and saw Fifi move past a group to her table, taking a seat before she’d even invited him to.

  She shrugged. “Fine by me.”

  Fifi raised an eyebrow. “Oh, flattering. So glad you’re excited to have my company.”

  She forced herself to sit up slightly, knowing Fifi didn’t deserve her bad mood. “Sorry. It’s been a rough day.”

  He stood and scooted his stool closer to her, then placed a hand on her back, stroking softly. She was about to tell him no, as she instinctively did when any man touched her, but then she realized her usual reason for refusing was gone.

  Benny didn’t want her. He didn’t want her to wait for him or turn other men down or any of the things she’d gotten in her head that he would want.

  And who cared what he wanted anyway? It was time for her to have what she wanted, too.

  “That feels nice,” she said. And it did. It was soothing and, given that Fifi was just a good friend, fairly platonic.

  “So what happened? You want to talk about it?”

  She shook her head. “No. It wouldn’t change anything.”

  Her eyes darted to Benny, who was guzzling another drink and staring at the entrance dourly.

  Fifi followed her gaze. “Ah. I see. Trouble in Loveville.”

  She laughed, nearly snorting. “Funny. But no. We aren’t like that. For sure now.”

  Fifi was quiet for a moment, then withdrew his hand from her back. “Then would you like to dance?”

  She looked up at him in surprise. “What?”

  “It’s not too crowded tonight,” Fifi said. “And it’s your break. No one would notice if we took a turn on the dance floor. Besides, you look like you could use a chance to relax, held in a strong man’s arms, swaying to the music.”

  She sucked in her cheek, thinking about it. Did it sound good? Obviously with Benny, but it was still hard to think of any other man.

  Still, what better way to move on than to push herself to do things that weren’t comfortable?

  She looked up at Fifi, trying to see him as she would any other man. Then she laughed to herself.

  No matter what, Fifi would never be like any other man.

  He was too beautiful, too tall and muscular, and too silly.

  But as he waited patiently for her answer, she tried to honestly consider whether she could like him.

  He was confident, witty, and handsome. He had a good sense of style, though it was over the top sometimes. And to hear other women at the club talk about him, he practically oozed sex.

  Besides, he was only offering a dance. It didn’t have to go anywhere.

  She shyly nodded at him, taking his offered hand. “I think I’d like a dance, thank you.”

  His grin was effervescent as he pulled her out onto the floor, sweeping her into his arms where his height and muscles were almost overwhelming.

  His hands found her waist, and he pulled her in close, lifting a hand to run through her hair. “So beautiful. An amazing color,” he said, looking down at her.

  Her heart skipped a beat as she looked up at him, but she couldn’t resist glancing over at Benny just to see his reaction to this development.

  She wasn’t trying to make him jealous, but if he was…

  But he wasn’t even paying attention. Instead, he was fidgeting with something, turned away from her. He didn’t even care, and why should he?

  He’d already turned her down.

  “Don’t look at him, moppet,” Fifi said gently, tilting her chin so she had to look at him. His purple gaze was almost mesmerizing, but it wasn’t the hazel one she wanted to see. He pulled her in against his chest, and she smelled lavender. “It’ll only hurt you, and don’t worry. I’m going to fix everything up. You’ll see.”

  “What do you mean?” She lifted her head as he took her hand and twirled her under his arm and then in for a dip.

  She felt so vulnerable arched beneath him, his arm supporting her waist, his face only inches from hers.

  “Just trust me,” Fifi said, coming even closer. “Everything will be better soon.”

  “How?” Her lips parted in a shocked O as he came even closer.

  Fifi’s lips curled up at the sides. “Because I’m about to make that stupid bear shit himself.”

  Harley barely had time to process what he meant before Fifi’s face was lowering toward hers.

  Chapter 5

  Benny couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw Fifi lead Harley out onto the dance floor. Not even Lock, who rarely had any sort of manners, had dared to ask Harley to dance before, out of respect for Benny.

  She was his. His.

  Maybe it was just the alcohol speaking, but he felt utterly betrayed.

  Then again, he was only a little buzzed, and the sober part of him knew he had no right to say anything.

  Fifi was taking chances where Benny wouldn’t.

  He felt his heart pound as he took the bottle out, looking at the pills. There was no label, nothing indicating what was inside. Could he really trust Fifi?

  Especially when the stupid wolf had the audacity to dance with his mate.

  The word mate reverberated inside him, and for a moment, Benny felt aligned with his bear in sheer, possessive desperation.

  Maybe he could take a slight chance after all. And he did have the pills.

  Perhaps, as long as he knew he had them as a backup plan, he could find the courage to do what he’d always wanted. To at least give things a try between him and Harley.

  Maybe they couldn’t have everything, but maybe they could have something.

  Or maybe he was just acting desperate because she was in another man’s arms.

  He snorted in derision, knowing Fifi was probably just baiting him. Taunting him for being a coward earlier. Benny knew he shouldn’t rise to the occasion. Or sink to the occasion. Or whatever it would be if he beat the hell out of Fifi and carried Harley away in his arms princess style.

  Benny was still considering his options when motion in the distance caught his eye, making him straighten and look out across the dance floor to where he’d last seen Harley.

  His chest tightened painfully.

  Fifi was dipping Harley, holding her carefully in his arms, looking at her gently the way Benny wished he could.

  There was no conflict, no holding back in Fifi’s gaze.

  And Harley was smiling, listening to something he was saying.

  Now pull her back up, he commanded silently. Dance normally. Please.

  But Fifi didn’t, and Benny felt his entire body tighten. He could feel the monster, but for once, he didn’t worry about it breaking out of him. Maybe just knowing he had the pills made the thing back off, not wanting to be knocked out of him.

  Besides, it had been a long time since Benny had hurt anyone. He’d been in control so long. Surely, taking at least a little chance would be fine.

  They didn’t have to go all the way. They could start slow.

  Maybe that would be enough for her.

  Maybe…

  His thoughts went blank as Harley’s lips parted in surprise and Fifi’s head lowered toward hers.

  God, no.

  Dire bear or not, he couldn’t watch this happen. He couldn’t stand it. If his bear came out, he would swallow a pill and knock them both out.

  But not before retrieving Harley.
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  He strode over to them, not caring who he bumped into if they got in his way. Not caring what anyone in the club thought of him. Not caring about anything but the fact that Harley was in Fifi’s stupid arms.

  Benny’s world seemed to move in slow motion as Fifi’s lips got closer and closer to Harley. Benny couldn’t allow it. The only one who could ever touch those lips was Benny. She was his. His. He’d do anything…

  He skidded to a halt in front of them, making Fifi (thank God) pause and look up at him in surprise.

  Fifi’s lips were curved up in a smile. “Did you need something, boss?”

  Benny took a deep breath, trying to compose himself, though his chest was rising and falling heavily and the animal in him wouldn’t stop panicking until Harley was in his arms. “Yes. I need you to take your fucking hands off her.”

  “As you wish,” Fifi said lightly. Then to both Benny and Harley’s shock, he just let go, causing Harley to fall backward toward the floor.

  She gasped, but Benny was there in a second to catch her. He’d never let her fall, ever.

  She flushed as she found herself surrounded by his arms as he slowly pulled her up to a standing position, then released her.

  Unable to trust himself to control his emotions, he turned away from her for a moment.

  “Benny,” she said softly. “Did you—”

  “My office,” he said abruptly. “Now.”

  Then he turned on his heel and strode off the dance floor, praying she followed him.

  Because if she didn’t, he was going to go back and beg until she did.

  Benny was pacing, trying to sober up and wondering what he could possibly say to Harley, when he heard footsteps outside the door.

  Before he could possibly ready himself, the door swung open, and an angry Harley appeared and walked inside.

  Her cheeks were flushed, and her hair was slightly mussed from dancing or being held in Fifi’s arms.

  Benny wanted her cheeks to be flushed from only one thing.

  His fingers brushed against the pill bottle in his shirt pocket. They were just there, right in reach. If only…