Remem-bear Me (Polar Heat Book 4) Read online

  Sam sighed and opened the door to the balcony. He gestured for Sebastien to follow him out. He leaned on the rail and breathed in the ocean breeze. It was early, and red streaks of sunrise still spread across the light-yellow sky. “It’s so beautiful here. Do you know why I moved us here?”

  Seb shook his head. “Because it’s warm?”

  Sam laughed. “No. Because your mom always wanted to come here. I guess a part of me hoped she would come back. I guess that was selfish, and as you boys got older, I realized I needed to give up on that hope.”

  Seb sighed and tapped his fingers on the wood, clearly showing this talk wasn’t doing anything for him.

  “Can you imagine if you lost Kim?” Sam asked. “Can you imagine if she were somehow torn away from you and you never knew what happened to her?”

  Seb let out a harsh breath and turned away from his father. “No, of course not. It’s part of why it was hard for me to even accept having a mate.”

  “Right,” Sam said. “And if you had a chance to know what happened, to have her back again, wouldn’t you try?”

  “With every breath in my body,” Seb said darkly. “But you have other people to consider now. And she was the one who decided to leave.”

  “But we don’t know how long she meant to leave. She has amnesia, Seb. She’s not herself. I at least have to know if she truly meant to stay away from us or if she meant to come back like she had before.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Sam sighed. “I don’t know if you remember. You were young, but your mother used to go away on weekends, just to run and be wild, to be her animal. She was always more bear than human, and she wasn’t really ready for motherhood. In the wild, bears don’t stay together very long. Even with their cubs. It was hard for her to adjust, but she tried.” He sighed and leaned his cheek onto his palm. “Those years were very happy. There were some bittersweet moments, some times we didn’t see eye-to-eye, but there was also bliss.”

  “And agony,” Seb said bitterly. “Do you even remember how you were? Seeing you like that, it traumatized all of us.”

  Sam put an arm around his son. “Yet here all of you are, with amazing mates and moving into parenthood with all of the grace I always expected of you. That’s the thing about pain, son. It doesn’t stop us from getting where we’re going. It just makes it a little harder and makes us different when we get there.”

  Seb said nothing, just let out another pent-up breath.

  “But sending her away, rejecting her for something she did twenty years ago? That won’t take away my pain. That won’t change what we all went through,” Sam said.

  “What if she hurts you again?”

  “I survived once. I’ll survive again,” he said. “But what if she doesn’t? What if she stays?”

  “I think you’re living in a fantasy, Dad,” Seb said. “Not that I blame you.”

  “Fantasies are all I have, son. They’re all I’ve had for a long time. Except right now, my mate is in reach. I held her in my arms… I know you boys may never forgive her, but she’s part of me, not least because she gave you to me. I just hope you’ll try to understand. But I do think everyone else should stay distant. I don’t want to see other people hurt.”

  Sebastien bristled. “But don’t you get it? If you get hurt, we get hurt,” he said

  Sam winced. “I’m sorry, then. What can I do?”

  Sebastien just shook his head and put a reluctant arm around his father. “There’s nothing you can do. We’re behind you. Damn, if only we were better matchmakers, this wouldn’t have happened.”

  Sam ruffled his son’s hair. “It’s not your fault. You can’t match someone who has already been matched. Not when their match is still out there. In a way, though, you brought her back to me, since she saw that commercial.”

  Sebastien grunted and folded his arms as Sam walked him to the front door. “Right, Scott told me.”

  “So in a way, it’s all your fault she’s back,” Sam said playfully.

  Sebastien let out a humph. “I just hope we don’t regret it.”

  “I don’t know,” Sam said. “But something inside me says you won’t.”

  Sebastien sighed and shook his head. “I hope you’re right.”

  Sam watched him walk away down the hall, ignoring the ache that came every time he realized the pain he’d caused his sons by being the imperfect father he’d had to be alone.

  But nothing would be solved by avoiding Joanna.

  He had to press on. He had to know.

  4

  Jo woke with a tremendous headache. She sat forward, rubbing her head for several minutes as the bright, Caribbean sun streamed through the window, lighting up the room.

  Like Sam had lit up her life the moment he’d walked into it. She knew he’d be coming by soon. He’d probably want to know she was okay after fainting in his arms. She didn’t remember exactly what he’d said that had triggered the intense headache and the fainting that followed it, but she did remember him saying they were much more than lovers.

  And she had three sons.

  A deep, soul-weary ache moved through her at the thought of it. Three sons she didn’t remember, growing up without her. It was like a nightmare that never ended, one she couldn’t wake up from. What had happened to her? Was she the type of woman who would leave her kids?

  She shook her head as tears fell onto the bedspread. She didn’t think she was. At least, she didn’t think she was the type that wouldn’t come back. She knew she was a solitary person, had always gotten by on her own ever since she woke up from her coma. She hadn’t needed as much human interaction as her coworkers, had been happy to go home alone for peace and quiet at the end of the night.

  But she still didn’t think she’d run from a family, even if the thought of one made her slightly nervous.

  Still, what a thing to learn in your late forties. Children.

  She thumped her fists on the sheets impotently. Should she go meet them? What could she say? They, like Sam, would want to know where she’d been, and she had no information.

  The phone at the side of her bed rang and she picked up with a long sigh, not feeling like talking to anyone. “Hello?” she asked, expecting room service or maintenance. She was surprised to hear Sam instead.

  “Hi there, ready for some breakfast? I have a big day planned for us.”

  She hesitated. A part of her worried that coming here had been a mistake, that she could only hurt Sam by being around him, but not being able to share memories with him. Yet just hearing his smile through the phone made hope rise up in her and the prospect of being with him seem nearly irresistible.

  “What did you have in mind?” she asked.

  “Just a day on my yacht, wining and dining you. Nothing serious, I promise. I know you need a break after last night.”

  She nodded and then realized he couldn’t hear that through the phone. “I do. Thank you for understanding.”

  There was a short pause. “No problem. I know it’s been hard for you.”

  She fought off the tears that were rising again. “It has. It’s okay, though. When do you want to leave?”

  “Now. I’m outside your door.” She heard a knock at the door and laughed at his audacity. Had he always been this persistent? She wished she could remember everything between them.

  “Fine, I’ll change.”

  “Wear a swimsuit,” he said, a hint of a laugh in his deep, rich voice. She could hear him behind the door now.

  “Stalker,” she teased.

  His laugh boomed and she giggled as she set down the phone. She felt surprised at the sound coming from her. It still felt like it hurt to smile. It felt like she hadn’t smiled until she’d been reunited with Sam.

  She jumped up to get ready for the day. She pulled on a figure-hugging blue swimsuit with flattering ruching in the front, put a gauzy cover-up she’d bought at the gift shop over it, and grinned at the mirror. She even fluffed her hair a little for good meas
ure. It felt a little like a first date, and she had the butterflies in her stomach to prove it.

  None of it made any sense, but she was determined to just go with it.

  When she opened the door, he leaned forward to place a kiss on her forehead. Then he popped a strawberry between her lips and showed her his picnic basket.

  “Breakfast,” he said, as she recovered from the feel of his warm, tender lips on her skin. Touch was so casual to him. He probably remembered touching her a thousand times. She felt like she was starved for it.

  She chewed the strawberry slowly as the elevator went down to the ground level. “So where are we going?” Not that it mattered, as long as it was with him.

  “Out on my yacht,” he said, extending his arm as the stepped out into the lobby. She took it with a grin.

  “Ooh, bringing out the big guns, hm? Breakfast and a boat trip?”

  “I aim to please,” he said, giving her a heated glance that made his words have a second meaning. She felt as if she were blushing head to toe.

  “I have a feeling you hit what you aim at,” she said nonchalantly, enjoying the way it caught him off guard and made him stop for a moment, with a funny half grin on his face that said he was impressed she was keeping up with him.

  She just grinned and kept moving, out the back doors and onto the beach. She looked up at the long dock in front of them, floating out onto the water, and saw a huge, graceful white yacht tied up there.

  “Is that your boat?” she asked, pointing to it.

  “No,” he said. “That one is.” He pointed to a dingy little rowboat with fishing equipment. “I thought we’d catch our own breakfast.”

  She laughed. “All right.”

  “Just kidding,” he said, helping her onto the dock and leading her down to the shining yacht. He helped her onto it, settling her on comfy, cushioned seats that lined the back, and then set to untying the ropes and starting the engine. “We’ll head out and drop anchor and then just spend some time in the sun, deciding if I’m an adequate breakfast-provider.”

  She thought whatever he did, he was probably more than adequate. As she started to relax around him, she felt a sudden urge to ask about her sons. About what had happened to them, how they’d grown up.

  But she had no right to…

  Sam turned on Caribbean music as they soared out over the waves. When they stopped, he put up a shaded canopy that cooled the air around them and gave shelter from the hot, late-morning sun. He opened the cooler and pulled out platters of fresh fruit and pastries and bottles of juice.

  He made her a plate piled with strawberries, blueberries, fresh whipping cream, and several danishes in various flavors.

  “I don’t know why I know this, but I love all of this stuff,” she said, sitting back happily to dig in.

  “I know,” he said.

  She looked up at him in shock. She kept forgetting he knew more about her than she did. “Thank you. For doing this.”

  “Sure,” he said.

  “Tell me about our kids,” she said.

  He frowned, and it was like seeing clouds pass over the sun. “I don’t… I don’t know if that’s a good idea yet. They aren’t… ready to have you in their lives yet.”

  She hung her head but nodded. It made sense. She didn’t like it, but it made sense. She resolved to try not to think about it, though it would be hard. “I guess we should wait until we figure out what happened to me,” she said.

  He brightened slightly. “That would be amazing, if you’re able to. I know it must be hard. I can’t even imagine how hard.”

  She nodded.

  He moved forward, putting a hand up to cup her face, running his fingers lightly through her hair as breeze blew around them. “I’m just glad you’re not running. I’m glad you’re staying here to try and figure it out.”

  She reached down for a berry, and he let go. She dipped it in cream and then slowly savored it. Then she bit into a pastry. It was the best she’d ever had. Light, flaky, perfect.

  “I always loved watching you eat,” he said, teasing her but looking at her with longing in his eyes.

  She flushed and swatted a hand at him, putting down her pastry. “Stop, it’s embarrassing.”

  “No,” he said, picking up the pastry and holding it out to her. She took a bite, she couldn’t resist. “It’s very… erotic.”

  She chewed slowly, feeling his electric blue gaze on her. She was unable to keep her eyes from straying to his plump bottom lip, which he was torturing lightly with his teeth as he watched her eat. When that pastry was gone, he fed her another. He didn’t take anything for himself, just seemed hypnotized by watching her eat. When he’d fed her the last berry dipped in whipped cream, he lightly ran his thumb over her lower lip, catching a bit of cream that had fallen there.

  When he slowly licked it off, she felt heat pool low inside her. She squirmed slightly as he moved forward, lips getting closer. Closer.

  They were nose to nose, she could feel his breath. There was something so familiar about it all but something so new and exciting. She parted her lips in anticipation, feeling his lips just a hair’s breadth away, and then he sat back, letting out a heavy breath as he pushed himself to a standing position and faced into the cool breeze.

  She felt bereft, like she was aching to continue, but she didn’t even have words for what she wanted. She didn’t have any right to demand anything from him.

  She just knew she’d die if he didn’t come back and kiss her.

  “Sam?” she asked.

  He put a hand over his face. Even his hands were attractive. Strong with long fingers that teased her imagination. And did more than that in her dreams. “I’m trying to take it slow with you. Trying to be a gentleman. I know you don’t feel the way I do. But I can’t help it. All I can think about is being inside you. Taking you again. Being with you again. I know that must terrify you.”

  No. It made her hot. She knew that was somewhat wrong, but it did. “It does terrify me. But it terrifies me more to let a moment go that we could be sharing. I don’t know how or why, but I want to be with you. Badly, deep down in my soul.”

  Something snapped in the air between them. Perhaps the tension was just too much to take. Perhaps the world and its problems were too far away.

  But either way, all that mattered was Sam sent her a shuttered look over his shoulder and then turned and strode toward her, pulling her to her feet and taking her his in arms.

  Then he kissed her, long and deep and hard, and it was so soulful that she felt her spirit rising up within her at the feel of it. Felt things connecting that had long been broken. Felt love for him pouring over the dam of her memory. And all she wanted was to take him.

  “I want to be with you,” she gasped out. “Now.”

  * * *

  He swept her up in his arms, carrying her like she weighed nothing. He was so tall, so broad through the shoulders, and all man. She reached up and ran a hand through his thick hair, which was a gorgeous medium-blond swept through with strands of white. She loved his face, mature and kind with those gorgeous laugh lines.

  He nuzzled her as he took her downstairs, and she caught her breath at the bedroom in front of her. It was somewhat small, as it was situated in the front of the hull, but it had a gorgeous bed in the center that was slightly raised on a platform, deep-blue covers threaded through with gold. There were small windows on either side that looked out on the sparkling ocean and the horizon, and there were cabinets below the windows that held different keepsakes. The whole room was done in gorgeous, dark wood. There were four lights mounted just above the bed, giving just enough light to not feel dank.

  He walked forward and tossed her lightly onto the bed before prowling toward her like a lion observing its prey. This was a different Sam than the lighthearted one she’d been eating breakfast with. His straight jaw was taut, his eyes burning, and the muscles in his arms bunched as he crawled toward her, nuzzling her back on the bed until she hit the pill
ows resting against the headboard.

  She flushed as she looked up at him, her mind whirling with all the things she wanted him to do to her. He seemed to read her mind and his eyes flashed, and the tension in the room ratcheted up another few degrees. It was far too hot. She reached for the hem of her swim cover-up and pulled it smoothly over her head, baring her to him in her swimsuit. Somehow, she didn’t feel self-conscious at all. Something in his gaze just made her feel unconditionally loved.

  He licked his lips as he eyed her body. “You’re gorgeous. You’re even more beautiful than I remember.”

  “How can that be?” she asked. “I must have been in my twenties when we were separated. In my prime.”

  “But I’d never had a chance to miss you then. I never knew how much more beautiful you could be until I could only see you in my dreams every night.”

  “You’ve been dreaming of me?” she asked, heart breaking for him. For both of them. There was magic in the room, something animal swirling between them. She didn’t understand it, but she didn’t have to. She just wanted to go with it.

  “Of course,” he said. “Every night.”

  She swallowed. “I’ve dreamed of you too. But I didn’t know who I was dreaming of until I saw that commercial.”

  “It’s always been you,” he said, leaning forward to place a kiss at the base of her neck as he gently trailed up to her ear. He nibbled lightly on her ear, making her squirm as shocks shot through her, and then he let his lips hover over the shell of her ear. “There’s never been anyone since you.”

  She blinked in shock but didn’t have time to stay surprised because his warm, firm hand moved over her breast and she let out a soft groan. She arched against him, needing more of his touch, and then reached down to move her strap, baring herself to him wantonly. It didn’t matter. It felt like she already belonged to him. It felt right.