Benny Read online

  Just having him near made his sheer masculinity overwhelming. His carved lips were so full. His jaw was so straight, nose straight too, except for a small indent from being broken before she knew him.

  It was a face she saw constantly, both awake and in her dreams.

  She had to say something. Anything. She couldn’t stand another day of tension between them. Of never knowing what might happen if she made the first move.

  “Why…?” Harley stuttered, trying to summon her courage. “Why do we keep doing this?”

  “Doing what?” Benny asked, hands hanging at his sides.

  “This,” she exclaimed softly, motioning between them. “We keep circling each other. Don’t pretend you haven’t noticed it.”

  “What do you mean? We’ve always been like this. Best friends.” He smiled, but there was hesitation in his eyes.

  She hated that he was a pro at pretending not to see. At swooping in with angry possessiveness and blowing it off as being a friend. At sending furtive glances her way when he thought she wasn’t looking.

  Summoning all her courage, she reached out to grab his hand. His skin, calloused from years of work, sent a zing through her, and his eyes widened slightly at the touch.

  When he didn’t pull away, she moved closer to the only man she’d ever wanted. His scent, like pines in the winter, grew more intense when she was only inches away. Intoxicating.

  Benny just stood still until their bodies were nearly together. He was so close Harley could almost taste him, could imagine what he would feel like to touch, to hold, to love.

  To her surprise, his hand came up, teasing the curls at her nape. His thumb stroked up along her neck tenderly, and Harley froze at the touch, her soul aching for so much more.

  This was it. This was everything. All she’d ever wanted, and…

  And then his hand slowly fell away, and he stepped reluctantly back.

  “Harley, I…” The silence after Benny’s words were like a knife hanging in the air above her, ready to sever the tenuous cord of hope stretched between them. It sliced down with his next words. “I’m sorry.”

  Sorry for making a move, or sorry for not going further?

  Harley wasn’t sure she even wanted to know. She wasn’t sure her heart could take it.

  So she nodded to him, ducking her head, feeling like an absolute fool, and turned around to run back to her truck.

  When she was there, she popped the door open, jumped in, and slammed it shut. She shoved the key into the ignition, and the diesel engine roared to life.

  Outside her window, Benny’s hazel eyes watched sadly as she pulled out of the parking lot and into the dreary night.

  Second thoughts plagued her the entire way home. Should she have said more? Less? Waited for an explanation?

  Would it have even mattered?

  She shook her head as she pulled into her driveway, dreading the thought of spending another night alone.

  Chapter 2

  Benny couldn’t seem to stop his heart from racing, though whether it was from the fight with the jerk or Harley touching him in a way she never had before, he didn’t know.

  His whole body still felt paralyzed by the feeling of touching her, the way she smelled, the thought of running his hands over her entire body, the way he ached more than he ached for anything in his life.

  They’d been together so long—but only as friends. Always as friends.

  In his dreams, things were different. They were together. They were…

  “That was hard to watch,” a voice said glibly as a tall figure emerged from the shadows.

  Benny’s eyes scanned upward from an elegant pair of dress slacks to a tightly fitted lavender button-up that matched Fifi’s purple eyes, contrasting his pale skin and white-blond hair, which was slightly shaggy around his face.

  A face that was almost ethereally beautiful and almost out of place on such a tall, muscular body. Though Fifi was a wolf, his height was more akin to a bear.

  A tall bear.

  “How long have you been there?” Benny asked, throat going dry as he realized what he could have seen. Not that much had happened between him and Harley, but it had felt unbearably intimate.

  Fifi gently rolled up his cuffs, baring roped forearms. His catlike eyes met Benny’s. “Long enough, honey bear.”

  Benny winced. “How did I not see you or smell you?”

  Fifi folded his arms as he took another step forward. “People only see what they’re looking for. You weren’t expecting me, so…”

  Benny shook his head. “What do you want, Fifi?” He needed to go home and take some Benadryl and a couple hundred cold showers to calm down after a night like tonight.

  Fifi cocked his head cryptically. “I think this is more about what you want.”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” Benny said stubbornly, turning to head back into the bar.

  “This little dance you’re doing with Harley. It’s so awkward. Just be with the girl and put us all out of our misery.”

  Benny scowled. “I didn’t hire you to give advice on my personal relationships.”

  Fifi grinned. “No, but that’s just what I do. So I’ll ask you again. What do you want?” He raised his delicate nose, sniffing the hair, and his grin widened. “Or should I say what does that nasty little beasty inside you want?”

  Benny felt a little like the world had shifted as Fifi’s words reverberated in his chest. How did he know? No one sensed it, even other shifters. “How did you—”

  Fifi merely raised an eyebrow impatiently, as if telling him to get on with it.

  Benny sighed. “I don’t care what that thing wants. But all I want, all I’ve ever wanted, is to be normal.”

  Fifi cocked his head. “I’ve always found being normal overrated.”

  Benny bit the inside of his cheek. “I still want it if it means being with Harley.”

  “Quite a conundrum,” Fifi said, gazing at him intently. He had a way of looking at Benny that made him just want to disappear into the ground. He didn’t like the way the wolf seemed to see through him. “So you want Harley. How far are you willing to go for her?”

  Benny knew the answer to that instantly. “There’s no limit to how far I would go. Across the galaxy, if it were possible.” He shook his head. “But I’ve been collecting contacts for years. I’ve talked to hundreds of shifters. My last thought was that Lock could find something while trying to take down the Tribunal, but even that didn’t happen.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, trying to forget the way Harley’s curls and soft skin had felt. “It’s hopeless.”

  Fifi tsked, his narrowed eyes glimmering like amethysts. “Never took you for a quitter. Besides, you haven’t had me on the job yet. There are dark places in the shifter world even Lock doesn’t know about. Places my work has sent me to that few have ever seen.”

  Benny tried to suppress the hope bursting inside him like fireworks set off against his will. “Even if that’s true, why would you help me?”

  Fifi shrugged. “I do sort of owe you. You kept Lock alive all these years, and he helped give me my freedom. You also gave me a place to land, where I could be with my sister.”

  “That’s all true,” Benny said. “But I never meant for you to owe me. I like helping people. That’s all.”

  “I’m also just bored,” Fifi said, letting out a rough sigh. “I’ve never had a challenge like this. I find it… entertaining.”

  While Benny was considering it, the man he’d punched earlier let out a moan, stirring at his feet. He probably shouldn’t have hit him as hard as he did, but when he’d seen him trying to get to Harley…

  “Ew, I might as well take care of that,” Fifi said. “Before I do, mind telling me what he did?”

  “He harassed Harley earlier, then tried to confront her by the truck. Threatened to force her.”

  Fifi’s eyes glittered with menace, and even Benny instinctively almost took a step back. “Is that so?”

  Benny
nodded. “He didn’t touch her, though. I don’t know if he would have, because I got involved before that could happen.”

  “Good,” Fifi said. “I guess I’ll have a talk with him, take it from there.” He grabbed the man by the sleeve and started dragging him, then paused. “Did you decide if you would like me to look into things for you?”

  Benny took a deep breath, then released it. “I’d appreciate that very much.”

  Fifi’s look was pleased. “Excellent. I’ll let you know as soon as I figure anything out.”

  As he started to drag away the barely conscious man, Benny felt a tinge of worry.

  “Lock told me what you did for the Tribunal. You aren’t going to…” Benny trailed off awkwardly.

  “Kill him?” Fifi asked. “No, I don’t think so. Or will I?” His smile flashed a fang. “Depends on his answer. Depends on my mood. Depends on a lot of things.” He started to disappear around the corner. “Good night, Benny.”

  Then, with a melodic laugh that carried on the night air and creeped Benny out thoroughly, he was gone.

  Benny just shook his head as he walked into the bar to lock up.

  When the doorbell rang the following afternoon, Harley winced slightly, still hung over from her awful rejection the night before.

  She pushed herself up and trudged over to the door, only slightly ashamed to still be in a pair of flannel pajamas with a robe over it.

  Both clothing items had seen better days.

  She peeked through the peephole and was surprised to see Jackie and Tasha standing on her porch.

  She sighed as she unlocked the door. She was happy to see her friends, but she hadn’t been planning to see anyone. She’d been planning to sulk for a little while, take a long, comfy bath, and then try to get back to business as usual and forget she’d ever tried to make a move at all.

  “Hey,” she said as she pulled the door open.

  “Hey!” Tasha said eagerly, running forward to pull Harley into a hug. Her blond hair was perfect, as always, with little blue streaks, and unlike Harley, she was dressed fashionably in a sweater and jeans.

  Jackie came forward to hug Harley also. Jackie was a quieter person, shorter, with dark hair and skin and beautiful sparkling brown eyes. Tasha was a wolf, while Jackie, like Harley, was human. “We were going to have a girls’ day, so of course we had to invite you. You weren’t answering your phone.”

  Harley flushed as she realized she’d probably left it turned off on her bedside table. She hadn’t wanted to hear from a guilty Benny. “Oh, sorry. Come on in.”

  “You look like hell,” Tasha said. “I mean, you’re gorgeous as always, but you have circles under your eyes and you just seem…”

  “Sad,” Jackie said. “Did something happen?”

  Harley opened her mouth, then closed it again, not sure what to say. “Um.” She shut and locked the door, then joined her friends on the couches in the living room, pulling her robe around her more tightly. “No?”

  “Oh, come on,” Tasha said, narrowing her eyes at her. “I know you. You’re like the kindest, most easygoing person I know. Something is stressing you.”

  Harley sighed, sinking back into the couch cushions as if they could swallow her whole.

  If only.

  When she thought about her moment with Benny, how good it had felt for just a second before it had all come crashing down around her, it felt like she could barely breathe.

  But she forced herself to stay calm. She and Benny had been through a lot together. They could get through this.

  “It’s okay,” Jackie said softly. “You don’t have to talk about it, but we’re here if you want to.”

  “Yeah,” Tasha said. “We just wanted to see you.”

  “And Lionel,” Jackie said. “You did say I could see him whenever I wanted.”

  Harley smiled. “If you can find him. He loves to hide with my other cat in the oddest places.”

  As Jackie got up to search for Lionel and Tasha kept up a steady stream of casual conversation about her house decorating adventures with Lock, Harley felt everything in her relaxing.

  It was nice that her co-workers and friends had mated, because now there were more girls around, whereas before, Harley had always been part of the boys’ club.

  Even if Tasha and Jackie had known each other for much longer, they never let Harley feel left out, and she really appreciated it.

  “Thanks for coming,” Harley said hesitantly. “And sorry if I was out of it before.”

  “It’s all good,” Tasha said, smiling. “We’re friends. We aren’t just here for the good times. Though, it’s always a good time with you around.” She looked up as Jackie entered the room, holding Lionel, cooing and nuzzling his face.

  “Yeah,” Jackie said, sitting next to Harley and handing her Lionel to cuddle. Lionel purred and curled up in Harley’s lap, seemingly happy to be there. “So don’t be afraid to call.”

  Harley smiled, feeling nearly emotional at how supportive her friends were being. “You guys are the best. I suppose I could talk to you about something…”

  Jackie and Tasha looked up eagerly. “Yes,” they said in unison.

  Harley sighed, shoving her hands in her robe pockets. “It’s Benny.”

  Jackie and Tasha shared cryptic looks.

  “What do you mean?” Tasha asked. “Did he finally make a move?”

  “Tasha,” Jackie said, shaking her head as if to try and stop her. “We shouldn’t—”

  “It’s about damn time,” Tasha said. “We all know how he feels about her, and—”

  “You’re wrong,” Harley said. “I made a move last night, and… yeah. It didn’t go well.”

  Tasha’s face fell. “What the fuck, Benny?” She tucked her hair behind her ear nervously. “What’s that guy’s deal anyway?”

  “What do you mean?” Harley asked.

  “I mean, what does he do, other than torture everyone with his sexual tension with you?”

  Harley laughed. “I promise it’s not like that. We’re just good friends. People make it out to be more than it is. We’re just really close.”

  Jackie frowned. “He’s a shifter, right? He never talks about it, not like the other guys.”

  Harley thought for a moment. “I mean, he’s a bear, but I don’t think he’s normal for a shifter.”

  “How so?” Jackie asked.

  “He never shifts,” Harley said. “He always lets someone else do it or takes care of people with his bare hands.”

  Jackie laughed. “No pun intended.”

  Tasha shifted in her chair uncomfortably. “You’re right, though. That’s not normal. I didn’t know I was a shifter because Fifi was sending me something to suppress it to keep me safe. But now that I can shift, I don’t know how I could go a week without it, let alone years.”

  “Maybe he does and you just don’t see it,” Jackie said.

  Harley shook her head. “As far as I know, he avoids it altogether.”

  “That’s not the only thing he avoids,” Tasha said irritably. “Come on, you two would be so good together.”

  Harley ignored the pang in her chest as she thought about it. “I guess he doesn’t think so.”

  “He’s head over heels for you,” Tasha said. “Anyone could see it.”

  “So protective,” Jackie added helpfully.

  Harley lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “Just as a friend. Which is fine. More than anything, I just don’t want to lose the friendship. I shouldn’t have pushed him. That’s all.”

  “No,” Tasha said. “You were right to make a move. Something had to give. So what happened?”

  “I just asked him what this thing was between us. Then I… touched his arm. He touched my face.”

  Jackie sighed. “How romantic.”

  Tasha didn’t seem won over. “Then what?”

  Harley sighed. “He just said he was sorry. I ran after that. It was too awkward.” She closed her eyes, remembering it. “But just for a secon
d there…”

  “What?” Tasha asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

  Harley stroked Lionel gently. “It was like magic. Like I could feel everything between us when he touched me back.” She let Lionel jump onto the floor, probably in search of food. “But then he turned me down and things were back to normal.”

  Tasha’s lips pressed into a thin line. “He said he was sorry. I think that’s too vague to say he was turning you down. He could have been apologizing for making a move.”

  “What should I have done differently?” Harley cocked her head.

  Tasha sighed. “Touching his hand is nice and all, but maybe you need to be more blunt. Really show him how you two could be together. Really make a bold move to tell him what you want and how you feel. Then if he turns you down, you’ll know it’s for real.”

  Harley’s heart started beating faster. “I don’t know. Yes, things were a little vague last night, but I don’t know if I could stand it if he turned me down again, especially if I was being more open.”

  “I thought you loved this guy,” Tasha said, folding her arms impatiently. “It might take a minute to bring him around. He might not feel good enough for you or something and need a little convincing that it’s really what you want.”

  Harley supposed Tasha could be right about that, but still, the thought was scary. “I don’t know.”

  “I don’t either,” Jackie said. “Tasha, this could all go terribly wrong.”

  “It’s already going wrong,” Tasha said. “Sometimes people just need to be really open with each other.” She looked at Harley. “You’re going to be miserable if you do nothing, right?”

  “No,” Harley said, but she knew it was a lie. “I’m going to try and just be fine with being friends with him. With letting things go back to how they were.”

  “It’s too bad,” Tasha said, eyes glittering. “Because you know, it might be really nice to win over Benny. Get tangled up in those strong arms, look into those hazel eyes…”

  Harley laughed, feeling awkward at how much her pulse sped up at Tasha’s images. “Stop it. You and your brother are shit stirrers, the both of you.”