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  He was gone.

  She took a step back, unsettled, wondering if he’d switched position in order to catch her off guard. He’d been a legendary assassin even when she’d first known him. After so many years, his skills would have only increased.

  Deep inside, somewhere beneath her cracked heart, she still admired him.

  Bitterly, though.

  She turned in a slow circle, peering through the countless swirling, writhing bodies in the dimly lit club, all swaying to the music. She searched for a glimpse of white hair, thinking every second that she saw it, then was proved wrong.

  She kept her hand on her knife as her heart rate began to increase even more, and a bittersweet trance song began to boom over the speakers.

  She felt pulled into the past, into so many memories, keenly aware that Felix was somewhere in this room.

  Or had been.

  He wouldn’t have left, would he?

  And then the scent of lavender drifted over her, and she whirled around just as she felt one strong hand settle on her shoulder.

  Her knife was at his ribs instantly, and it was all she could do not react to the scent that had always been the most erotic of her life.

  It didn’t matter that she just wanted to be pressed against him. He had betrayed her and nearly caused her to lose her life.

  “Go ahead and stab me,” Felix said, and his voice was raspy, sensual, and filled with longing in a way that echoed something she didn’t want to acknowledge in her heart. “I know you’re a ghost, but you can stab me. Just let me touch you.” His hand found her hair and pushed it back, heedless of the way her knife was shaking against his chest.

  God, he felt good. The touch of his hand made something light up in her. Something she’d thought was long dead. She’d been thinking of revenge so long that she hadn’t had time to desire anyone. Not since him.

  Maybe it would always be him.

  He lowered his head to breathe in her scent, holding her tight and pulling her in against him, and she remembered just how much bigger he was, how safe she had felt in his arms.

  What an illusion. Just like everything else about him.

  She looked up into his face, seeing an adult there. Lines under his eyes that hadn’t been there before. That perfect nose, lips, jaw, and cheeks that looked like they had been designed by a master artist into sheer masculine beauty that bordered on angelic.

  His full lips were tight, and his purple eyes were full of pain. And there was a faint scent mingling with the lavender… Alcohol?

  He lowered his head again and wrapped his arms tighter around her as if his goal were to bring her in so close that they could be merged into one.

  And it ached in a part of her heart that she liked it. That it really had felt so good between them and they had lost it all those years ago.

  They could have been together. They could have…

  He caught her hair gently and tilted her head back, studying her face with tenderness she hadn’t even seen when she knew him before. Like he was seeing an old friend, someone he missed so badly.

  Someone he hadn’t expected to see again.

  He had called her a… ghost?

  “Sweetheart,” he said softly. “Have you come for me?” He looked at the room around him. “I’m ready.” He moved in closer against her knife, and she gasped as she felt it slightly pierce him.

  She looked up at him in shock, seeing for the first time the hollow look in his violet eyes, the way his face no longer held the spark of his youth.

  He’d given up somewhere along the way. She’d pictured him climbing the ladder, becoming renowned, enjoying every privilege the Tribunal could offer, even as she had suffered.

  That didn’t appear to be the case.

  He caught the other side of her head, stroking her hair and completely trapping her face so she was forced to look up at him.

  She’d become stronger in his absence, but he was still a force of nature, something she didn’t know how to resist. She’d been foolish, thinking any mission involving him could be easy.

  She pulled back the knife and set it in its sheath in her pocket. There would be no killing tonight.

  “Pity,” Felix said, lowering his mouth so his lips were just above hers, speaking in a way that made her tingle from head to toe as the crowd swirled around them, uncaring. “I guess I’ll have to be happy with only this moment, since you won’t take me with you.”

  His lips ghosted over hers, testing, teasing, as if trying to decipher if she were real. Then they rested on hers, fitting as perfectly as they always had.

  As if they were made for one another like she’d once thought.

  His arms slipped down to encircle her again, holding her close in a dark echo of the way they used to be together, the way she used to run into his arms.

  His tongue pushed at her lips and then slid in, seeking each warm crevice as his hands explored her waist and hips and her whole body grew heated and limp in his arms.

  All those years waiting and raging, she never guessed she’d respond to him like this, as though they’d never been apart, if she ever was pulled into his arms again.

  Of course she had dreamed of him, of him coming to rescue her, for so many nights while she’d been in so much pain.

  But then it had been clear that life had moved on, and the handsome assassin she’d thought had cared about her didn’t care so much at all.

  Even if she died.

  He groaned against her lips, gripping her hips and pulling her tightly against him, making it hard to think straight, let alone breathe.

  Then he pulled back, keeping their faces together.

  “It’s been forever, sweetheart. I don’t care if you’re not real.” He curled one finger around the shell of her ear, still touching her like he didn’t believe she was there.

  It slowly sank in that he really thought she was some kind of illusion.

  With their history and how things had ended, what kind of illusion was that to have?

  How could he seem so happy to see her?

  He grabbed her hand, pulling her through the crowd toward the back door in a haze of sex and lavender.

  When they were outside the club, out of the view of cars, with mist falling all around them, he spun her so her back was to the wall. Then he pinned her there with both hands on either side of her head as if he were afraid to touch her but couldn’t stand to let her go.

  Then he leaned in, sealing his lips over hers again, more aggressively this time, and when he seemed confident she wouldn’t disappear, his hands dropped to intertwine with hers, pinning them between her body and his as they kissed.

  She knew she should pull back, should pull her knife out, should do anything but what she was allowing, but she couldn’t.

  Just as before, her body wanted what it wanted, and it had always wanted Felix. It was her heart that was putting up resistance now, telling her to run before she was in more danger.

  But hadn’t he always kept her safe before?

  Until…

  She gasped, pulling back from his mouth, and he let out a low growl of frustration.

  “No,” Felix said. “This is my dream. Don’t hate me, even here. Though, you should…”

  She looked up at him, still breathing heavily. “Why should I?”

  He stroked her face. “Because I let you die. Because I wasn’t there for you. I wanted to be with you, but I was too late. Did you know that when you died? It has haunted me.” He stroked the shell of her ear and then trailed down along her neck. “I still dream of you, being able to touch you. See you. You’re calling out to me, but when I approach, you are vapor. My hand goes through you. I must be dying if I can touch you now.”

  His hand trailed over her collarbone. “I don’t care what’s happening right now. Perhaps I’ve finally gone mad. Perhaps the booze is finally working.” His fingers brushed over her shoulders, pushing her leather jacket back. “All I know is that it’s you and I need to touch you. It’s lik
e I’m alive for the first time in so long.”

  Her heart ached as she saw the truth of it in his eyes, but she couldn’t afford to pity him.

  Not when he was the cause of everything wrong in her life.

  Still, she hadn’t been prepared to see him or for her body to long for him so desperately that she ached in a way that was unbearable.

  She hadn’t known their chemistry, or whatever had been between them (she’d thought it was love once), would linger on.

  His lips came down to her neck, softly kissing the exposed, wet-from-rain skin, making her gasp.

  “I’m making love to a ghost,” he said, not seeming to care that anyone could come around the corner or that the rain was beginning to pick up or that they were against an old brick wall. “I’ve been in a lot of odd situations, but this is the oddest, and I don’t even care.” He kissed her shoulder, smoothing her jacket back so he could kiss over the tops of her breasts.

  “Wait,” she gasped out, burning all over, unable to resist him despite knowing she’d come to see him with a knife. “What are we—”

  “I don’t know,” he said. “I’ve never known with you. I just know that my heart began and ended with you, and I’ve never been the same. I’m so dark now, Diana. I’ve been dark for so long.”

  Her eyes widened, stinging as she fought back tears as she realized things would never be easy when it came to him.

  He’d caught her off guard when he first met her, and he was catching her off guard now. He always made things difficult. He pulled at her in a way she could never resist.

  But no matter what she had to do later, she couldn’t seem to pull back from him now. Love was too tied up in hate, and she knew now the only real reason for hating him was disappointed love.

  Just for now, she could have what she wanted. She could engage in whatever this illusion was. Have just a taste of everything that had been stolen from her.

  She wound a hand up around his neck and pulled him down for a harsh kiss.

  Felix (Club Crimson Book 4)

  Also by Terry Bolryder

  A Note From Terry

  Most of my series go by species. Most of my books are standalone, but if you want to read them in order and see characters reappearing, here is my list of the order for each species. So just choose your favorite shifter!

  Dragon Reading Guide

  Awakened Dragons

  These powerful, newly awakened ancient dragons are stronger, more vicious, more powerful, and ready to save humankind, if only they can decide to be heroes rather than villains…

  Awakened Dragons Boxed Set (best deal!)

  Onyx Dragon

  Sapphire Dragon

  Ruby Dragon

  Diamond Dragon

  Amethyst Dragon

  Emerald Dragon

  Rent-A-Dragon

  These ancient, viking-esque dragons just woke up and are ready to get to work finding their mates and new lives in the modern world! Shenanigans and sexiness ensue!

  Steel Dragon

  Iron Dragon

  Titanium Dragon

  Date-A-Dragon

  These noble metal dragons have just joined the good side, formed a very odd dating agency, and are ready to protect the world and find their very own fated mates!

  Gold Dragon

  Silver Dragon

  Platinum Dragon

  Citrine Dragon

  Awakened Sea Dragons

  These dragons have things in common with both the metal dragons and the gemstone dragons, and first show up at the very end of the Date-A-Dragon series!

  Zircon

  Tourmaline

  Aquamarine

  Dragon Guard of Drakkaris

  Sexy dragons introduced in the last book of the Awakened Sea Dragons that have come to Earth to settle down and find mates!

  Lead

  Cadmium

  Arsenic

  Zinc

  Cobalt

  Chromium

  Nightmare Dragons

  Midnight

  Nightmare

  Starlight

  I have a separate series of dragon books that are menage and have different world building, and they come before the Awakened Dragons but don’t need to be read prior as they are completely different.

  Here they are:

  Dragons of New York (Menage)

  Dragons work in pairs, the fire-breathing enforcers of the shifter world and rescuers of anyone in distress. And these sexy dragons are about to find mates:

  Double Dragons Boxed Set

  Double Dragons

  Desired by Dragons

  Destined Dragons

  Tiger Protector Series (Spin-off of Dragons)

  Three tiger brothers trained by dragon shifters work to bring evil shifters to justice while finding the perfect curvy mates.

  Tiger Protector’s Boxed Set

  A Tiger’s Bounty

  A Tiger’s Treasure

  A Tiger’s Destiny

  A Dragon’s Heart

  Bear Reading Guide

  Bearstone Park Series

  A billionaire tech mogul, a movie star, and an Olympic snowboarder come back to Bearstone Park and find unexpected but wonderful mates.

  Bearllionaire

  Bearlebrity

  Bearthlete

  Beary Sexy Boxed Set: All three brothers in one (BEST DEAL)

  Soldier Bear Series

  These ex special-forces fighting bears are about to find curvy mates in beautiful, remote Bearstone Village.

  Big Bad Bear

  Big Sexy Bear

  Big Strong Bear

  Bear Haven Ranch Series

  These rancher bear brothers need to find mates to keep the family land. Luckily, three curvy city girls are about to arrive just in time.

  Mountain Bear

  Rancher Bear

  Wild Bear

  Mountain Lion

  Bear Claw Security

  These sexy ex-special forces soldier bears are ready to protect in a whole new way, as bodyguards of the exclusive Bear Claw Security.

  Bear to the Bone

  Bear-ly a Hero

  Bear to the Rescue

  Bear-ly Human

  Bear to the End

  Polar Heat Series

  A matchmaking papa bear sets his three bear shifter sons up with women on a Caribbean island.

  Bear-ever Yours

  Some Bear to Love

  One in a Bear-l-lion

  Remem-bear Me (Dad’s book)

  Polar Heat Boxed set (Savings!)

  Trapped in Bear Canyon

  Sheltered by the Bear

  Craved by the Bear

  Redeeming the Bear

  Built Fur Love

  Love at Furst Sight

  Mine Furever

  Purrfect for Me

  Lion Reading Guide

  Lions of Pride Island

  The hot royal family of shifters is ready to find mates!

  King of Rock

  Prince of Fate

  Protector of the Pride

  Wolf Reading Guide (The Alpha Series)

  Alpha Games Serial (Complete story with boxed set)

  An alpha female returns home to the pack mates she left and finds herself choosing between three alpha males in this paranormal romance serial from Terry Bolryder

  Alpha Games Boxed Set

  Alpha Rogue Serial (Novellas with cliffhangers between volumes)

  An MMA fighting shifter meets his match in his exciting paranormal romance serial from Terry Bolryder.

  Alpha Rogue Boxed Set

  Alpha Contender Serial (Novellas with cliffhangers between volumes)

  A average human woman finds out she’s a desirable female alpha and ends up in a mansion with ten possible suitors in this paranormal romance serial from Terry Bolryder.

  Alpha Contender Boxed Set

  Ultimate Alpha Boxed Set (One huge series)

  Ultimate Alpha Boxed Set

  Alpha Defender

  When al
pha wolf Thor finds an acquaintance on his doorstep needing his help, will he take the mysterious person in, or step aside?

  *Stars Thor from Alpha Contender Series*

  Alpha Defender on Amazon

  Wolf Protectors Series

  Three hot, wolf shifter brothers run a martial arts studio and divide their time between training to be the toughest around and winning over their sexy, independent mates. All in KU!

  *Stars Asher from Alpha Contender Series*

  Alpha Champion

  Alpha Hero

  Alpha Protector