Loved by Light (Wings, Wands and Soul Bonds Book 4) Read online

  I gasp, my hands going up to cover my mouth as he looks up at me. He pulls something out of his pocket. A small box.

  Then he opens it, and my breath stops when I see a sparkling ring inside with a perfect, round diamond in the center. “It’s simple, but it reflects light. When I saw it, I thought of you, how you made everything sparkle.”

  “Of course,” I say, resisting the urge to jump with joy as I put my hand out.

  He slides it on my finger, then stands up, and I throw my arms around his neck to kiss him.

  A few moments later, we’re practically falling onto the sleeping bag, Ian kissing me everywhere he can reach—my neck, my shoulders—as I pull at his shirt.

  Darkness falls, hiding us from the world as we make love, familiar with each other’s bodies, entranced by our bond, and surrounded by the crash of the ocean.

  Watched by the stars.

  When he’s inside me and pleasure is building like the roar of an incoming tide, I look up at him, his features outlined by movement, stars behind his head.

  Everything is just perfect.

  It has to be dark to see stars this well, and it makes me hope that even though I’m only a dark fae, perhaps I can be the darkness to his stars.

  20

  Ian

  I fall asleep on the beach with Liz in my arms, utterly tired from everything that happened in just a day.

  I’m nervous but excited to embark on a new future with her.

  Tomorrow, we’re going to talk to my friends about what happened with Ultraviolet and discuss ways to take the evil elements in the light kingdom down.

  And I’ll have Liz by my side. And everything will be perfect.

  In the middle of the night, I wake suddenly, looking wildly around me as the sense of being watched filters into my consciousness.

  I look down at Liz and sigh in relief as I see her sleeping soundly.

  Phew.

  But then the world goes purple, and I cringe, realizing it really isn’t going to be as easy as I hoped it would be to shake Ultraviolet.

  We’re in another dimension, as usual, since Ultraviolet likes to meet where no one can see him.

  Looking into his eyes, I’m surprised to see they are a much darker purple than I’m used to.

  Almost black.

  He folds his arms as he paces, wearing black robes, his long hair tied into a loose braid, his features drawn and sharp.

  “I’m doing you a favor by not doing this in front of your soul bond.” He narrows his glittering eyes at me. “Dallin said you want out. Is that true?”

  I nod. “I don’t think we’re going about this the right way.”

  Ultraviolet puts a hand on his hip, cocking it. “Oh, and you’re the one who makes the plans now? When Dallin and I have been planning this for years?”

  I shake my head. “I’m not an expert, and I don’t make the plans. But if we’re doing the right thing, I don’t see the harm in having other good people help.”

  I feel the wave of anger unleashed from him, causing the purple smoke around us to wave and pulse.

  Then he flicks his braid over his shoulder, seeming to compose himself. “I should have known you’d be an idiot. You always were, as a light fae.”

  “What do you know about me?” I ask. “We never saw each other in the light kingdom.”

  Ultraviolet shrugs. “I know you were like every other light prince. Stuck in a tower like some precious jewel while some of us were tortured in a lab.”

  My hands tighten into fists. “And that was wrong. But killing everyone in the light kingdom is wrong also.”

  “Not when the ends justify the means,” he says with a scowl.

  “They don’t,” I say. “And if they do, my friends will confirm that. I never should have let you isolate me from them at a vulnerable moment.”

  He’s practically spitting now, he’s so mad. “Don’t act like this is all my fault. And no, we’re not telling your idiot friends. I’m giving you one more chance to come to your senses. We are going forward with our plan. Too much depends on it. Are you with us or against us?”

  I shove a hand through my hair, hating that this is the choice he is forcing on me.

  I do want to help. I don’t want anyone to suffer. But I really do think I feel chaos from him.

  And it’s worse than it used to be. Now that Liz has helped clarify things in my heart, I can see it clearly.

  “Ultraviolet, I know you’re angry. You have every right to be, but—”

  “Don’t talk to me about anger. I don’t need a shrink. I just need to know if you’re a traitorous bastard who needs to be brought to heel.”

  I narrow my eyes at him, angry that he would even suggest forcing me in this situation when we were supposed to be in this together.

  “You can’t make me do anything,” I say, staring imperiously at him.

  “You’re right,” Ultraviolet says, looking just as haughty, though something mean glitters in his dark-purple eyes. “But he can.”

  My eyebrows raise as Dallin appears through the purple smoke, coming forward to stand beside Ultraviolet, looking both angry and resigned.

  His turquoise eyes are glowing a deep green, sparkling like emeralds. “I didn’t want to do this, but I need to free my kind and stop their suffering. And you’re the only one who can do what we need.”

  My hands tighten into fists. “I’m not going to flash the whole light kingdom. Now that chaos isn’t in my heart, it doesn’t seem right to me. There are innocent fae who will be killed.”

  “And?” Dallin asks, glaring as he steps forward. “Countless dragons and fae have already been killed. I don’t fucking care.”

  I swallow, trying to figure out how to get out of this. No matter what they say, I’m not going to help them.

  The more I think about it, the crazier it is that I even agreed in the first place.

  But I’m no longer trying to be some sacrificial hero.

  I just want to be Liz’s hero.

  Dallin seems to sense that he can’t convince me, and his expression goes hard as stone. “I didn’t want to do this, but I can’t wait any longer. Not when you’re not going to do the right thing.”

  “The right thing is mass murdering people?” I ask, taking a step back from them. “How does that make us unlike them?”

  “I don’t care if I’m like them,” Dallin says, rage welling in him like pressure under a lid that’s about to burst. “And you’re keeping your end of the bargain, no matter what you want.”

  “I already told Ultraviolet that you two can’t force me.” I reach back reluctantly for my wand. “I don’t want to fight you, but—”

  “Put it back,” Dallin says in an odd, flat, authoritative tone I’ve never heard him use before.

  I feel my hand moving against my will, putting my wand back behind me where it disappears from sight.

  “Now sit there and listen like a good fae,” he growls in the same tone that seems to be imbued with magic.

  I can’t move, so I’m forced to sit there and listen.

  “They never should have used emerald dragon blood,” he says, grinning as he walks around me in an ominous circle. “I told you that before. Do you know what emerald dragons can do?”

  I shake my head, though it’s hard to even move that much.

  “I thought not. They are rare. I believe there is only one in your world currently. They are dangerous. But if the fae hadn’t been fucking stupid and used that blood in me, I would never have escaped that lab.”

  “I don’t get what you mean,” I say. “I don’t get any of this.”

  Dallin smiles, a mean look on his grim face. “It was Ultraviolet who figured out my power and took off my suppressor long enough for me to use a command. They gave him more freedom, as they were simply trying to create a more powerful fae. They didn’t see him as beneath them like me and other dragons. They killed countless numbers of my brothers, so I didn’t even feel bad when I ordered the lab tech to set
me free and kill himself.”

  Ultraviolet is quiet during all of this. Looking off at nothing in particular as Dallin relates the story.

  “You know, I am sorry for your suffering, but—”

  “Not as sorry as you will be,” Dallin says. “I hate fae. I always have. You got under my guard. You seemed as hurt as we were, so I trusted you. But now I don’t mind using you as a bomb. You deserve it for betraying us. I won’t feel bad when you burn to smithereens.” His eyes narrow. “I might even enjoy it.”

  “I don’t believe that,” I say, my hands tightening into fists. “Don’t listen to chaos. Don’t let the fae who infected you win.”

  He lifts a shoulder. “They already did. Now they get to see what it’s like to lose too.”

  “Don’t do this—”

  “So here’s what you’re going to do,” Dallin says. “You’re going to take your soul bond home in the morning.” I can feel his commands engraving on my soul, on my very muscle memory. “You’re going to do whatever you can to make her give up on you. If she follows you to the light kingdom… Well, you get the idea.”

  Fear strikes through me. It’s bad enough to be forced to do this, but if I burn up my soul bond in the process…

  My hands tighten into fists so tight I can feel my nails draw blood. I need to figure out how to fight this.

  “Don’t make this hard, Ian,” Ultraviolet says. “Even if Dallin hadn’t used commands, we would never have just let you go. I personally would have just killed your soul bond so you had nothing to live for. But Dallin insisted that this is a better way.”

  I look at Dallin, wondering if I should actually be grateful for him.

  Then again, he could stop all of this, and he won’t.

  He looks away, not meeting my eyes.

  When he turns back to speak to me, that commanding tone is in his voice again. “When you’re done with your soul bond, you’ll go outside and wait for a portal from UV. Then we’ll go from there. But in the meantime, you will not tell anyone about what happened tonight or what is happening tomorrow. Any of it. Anything I say. Anything that could even make them catch on to things.”

  I just stare at him, wondering how to fight this strange magic.

  “Nod in agreement,” he says, and I feel my head move against my will.

  Why am I so weak whenever it truly matters?

  “For the record, there is nothing you could do about this,” Dallin says. “I could order the most powerful fae in the world to take his own head off, and he would.”

  “Why don’t you, then? Why don’t you go after the elders?”

  Dallin’s jaw tightens. “Because I have you to take them all out in one blow. And that’s how I want to do things.”

  I feel desolate. Feel hope leaving me. And as I think of Liz, all I want is to keep her as far away from this as possible.

  Dallin didn’t even have to order me. I would never want her in harm’s way.

  Plus, Liz still didn’t awaken, even last night.

  Perhaps that’s because fate knew I would never actually be able to be her soul bond.

  But it was nice to think it was possible, even for a day.

  “You’re going to destroy me,” I tell Dallin. “How is that right?”

  “I was already destroyed,” Dallin says. “I have no heart, no ability to care about your destruction.”

  But somehow, I don’t believe that.

  Even if it may be too late for me.

  Ultraviolet gives me a look that is almost pitying, but then he throws back his head in a laugh that is only part hysterical. “See you at sunrise, idiot,” he says, disappearing back into the swirling smoke.

  Dallin just gives me a look, then follows him as the smoke fades and I find myself back on the beach.

  But as I look down at Liz, I feel my movements controlled as if by chains.

  I lie down next to her, but I know I will wake in a few hours.

  And do as Dallin ordered, no matter what I want.

  So I’d better think of the best way to make her let me leave.

  Because even if I break her heart, it would be better than seeing her burned to ashes.

  21

  Liz

  Ian woke me earlier than I expected this morning, and I could tell something was wrong the instant I looked into his eyes.

  But he insisted on simply loading up the car and getting out of there.

  He hasn’t talked at all since then, and we’re almost all the way home.

  I look over at him, irritated and worried because I’ve never seen him like this.

  The closest thing I’ve seen to him being this closed off was when I first met him. So I hate to see him looking trapped and weary again.

  Perhaps it’s just a rebound of his emotions after deciding to take the hard road and commit to being soul bonds rather than attacking his kingdom.

  But perhaps it’s something else, and that bothers me.

  “Ian… talk to me. Last night, we agreed to soul bond.” I touch my ring gently. “If something is bothering you…”

  “Not now,” he says, his jaw tight as he keeps his attention focused on the road.

  We drive the rest of the way to the apartment, and my heart is pounding by the time we arrive.

  We park, and he looks over at me, silently assessing me as the tension between us rises to an almost unbearable level.

  Is this my fault? Did I rush him?

  His eyes are pained as he turns off the car and finally faces me. “Liz, last night was wonderful. But I don’t think I can go through with… what we agreed on.”

  “What?” It feels like my heart just dropped into a bottomless well. “What do you mean?”

  This can’t be happening.

  “I… When you were asleep, I thought some things over. I still need to do what I told Dallin I would do. Otherwise, I’ll spend the rest of my life regretting it.”

  I blink at him. “Where is this coming from? This isn’t the Ian I know. I felt right when you told me you were going to do this the right way. And stay with me and let me help and—”

  His hand tightens on the steering wheel, making it creak. “Stop living in La-la Land, Liz. With the endless positivity and hope. Sometimes… things just go badly, and no amount of good attitude can stop them.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I can’t just sit by while this happens,” he says. “And you made me happy, and I almost turned away. But, Liz, it isn’t going to work between us.”

  “I’m not letting you go,” she says. “Wherever you go, I’m going with you.”

  His face hardens, and panic lights his eyes for some reason. I’m surer than ever that this isn’t the right thing to do.

  Even I feel the chaos in the air at the moment.

  “You didn’t even awaken last night,” he says. “How are you going to be my partner?”

  I blink at him. “What?”

  “You haven’t shown any powers,” he says. “We have bonded countless times. Perhaps we both mistook friendship for something… else.”

  My heart feels shattered. “You can’t mean that. Ian—”

  “Don’t follow me,” he says. “No matter what you do—”

  “I will always follow you,” I say firmly.

  “Don’t you get it?” His voice rises. “I don’t want you. You’re a dark fae. I’m a light fae. I have things to take care of, and you’re just getting in the way. You have since I met you, with your silly optimism and your amusement parks and…” He trails off, seeing my stricken expression. “I don’t want to hurt you, Liz. But I can’t do this anymore.”

  I suck in a breath because my chest feels so tight I could pass out right now.

  Is it true, what he’s saying? He doesn’t want me? Did I pressure him? Did my endless optimism, which I need to survive, make him feel like he had to be with me?

  I don’t know what to think anymore. I never thought he would be sitting across from me, saying something like this.


  Then again, everyone else in my life has betrayed or left me.

  Why should this be any different?

  I put my hand over my ring, wondering if I should give it back to him. But my head is swirling, and the thought is too painful to bear.

  “What is going on?” I ask because I can’t just accept this. “Did that dragon or Ultraviolet get to you somehow? Did they twist your mind?”

  He glares at me. “What do I have to say to get through to you? Liz, this was what I wanted when you met me. And I tried to change because you wanted me to. I thought we could be soul bonds. But look, you still haven’t awakened. So clearly, I’m not the one for you.”

  Tears prick at my eyes. “What do you mean? Don’t say that.”

  His expression is stricken for a moment. Then his gray eyes go hard and stormy. “Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

  “How could you be so cruel?” I ask, balling my hands into fists.

  “Because I don’t want you to follow me,” he says. “After this, don’t ever look for me again. We aren’t soul bonds. And we can’t live in a fantasy that we are just because we want to.”

  Have I been deluding myself all along? Why haven’t I awakened? Where are my powers? I wish I could call upon them now, if only to save Ian from whatever stupid internal reflex is making him do this.

  He’s a light fae, so why can’t he see the truth?

  If he’s making the right choice, why does he look so unhappy?

  “You’ll find someone, Liz. You’ll—”

  “Don’t even say that,” I say dully as the hope in my heart truly starts to go out. Even people like me have limits as to what can happen to them before they stop hoping.

  “Stay near my friends,” he says. “They’ll watch out for you. Help you… find someone.”

  “How can you want that?” I burst out. “You love me. I love you.”

  He shakes his head. “We were caught up in trying to escape the real world together. And it was fun, but… don’t make this harder than it has to be. Just… let me go.”

  “Never,” I say, narrowing my eyes at him. “You’re my soul bond, and I’ll never let you go.”