Loved by Light (Wings, Wands and Soul Bonds Book 4) Read online

  For moments that draw out like shooting stars falling in slow-motion, we clutch each other and ride out our release together. At one point, I think Liz even bites my shoulder, but I can’t think of it with anything but affection because it just means her orgasm was that good.

  By the time we’re finished, the windows are completely fogged up, the car at least ten or fifteen degrees warmer inside than it was when we started.

  And Liz, naked and gorgeous beneath me, smiles against me as I kiss her with my mouth and with my soul at the same time.

  I can feel our bond, the bond I know I shouldn’t have. The bond I know might break me when I’m asked to complete my mission.

  Liz wants me to stay with her long enough to unlock her powers. Long enough for us to enjoy our time together.

  I know any amount of time that isn’t forever won’t be enough, though.

  I need her. Always.

  So instead, I take the moment in my hands and hold on to her with everything I have.

  “I love you, Liz.” I let out a pent-up breath. “I’ll always love you.”

  “I love you too, Ian,” she says, simply wrapping her arms around my neck and holding me close.

  I can feel something pulsing between us, building, swelling like waves of pure energy.

  As we pull apart and put ourselves back together for the drive home, I wonder if I should tell her that feeling is our soul bond.

  I also wonder if she already knows.

  17

  Liz

  Something changed the night Ian and I made love in the back of his car.

  He hasn’t said anything explicitly, but it’s in the way he looks at me. The way he seems more relaxed. The way we’re both free to express the love in our souls when we just look in each other’s direction.

  I think we might have a soul bond.

  I don’t know if he feels it as well.

  It has been a few days since that night, and I’m currently painting with my easel set up at his window where I can see the pond and estuary outside his apartment complex.

  For once, I don’t feel like painting a landscape, as I did yesterday and the day before.

  I paint with oils, wet on wet, and so I move very quickly, able to complete a piece in a day when inspired.

  It’s something that lends itself to water and quick brush-stroke trees.

  But lately, something else has been filling my mind, and I turn my easel slightly to continue working because I don’t want Ian to see it just yet.

  Right now, he’s at a meeting with the other fae about where they are in locating beacons, and he’s just down the hall if I need him.

  The past few days have almost felt… domestic.

  It almost feels like this could be my home. Though, I’m trying not to be overly optimistic.

  We make love every night in the darkness with the moon watching and our intensifying feelings welling between us.

  But even that doesn’t help me know where this is going because I haven’t manifested. Even partially. I talked to the other girls here, and they at least had ears or wings showing by the time they went as far as I have with Ian.

  I’m not sure what’s wrong, and deep down, it makes me worry that he’s not my soul bond.

  But in my heart, that doesn’t seem possible.

  Still, I’m in no rush to press him for more or awaken my powers as long as he looks happier and healthier every day I’m beside him.

  And as for me, I’ve never felt safer or happier in my life.

  It’s crazy how my life has been so hard, and suddenly, it’s just so good.

  Like everything is finally working out for me.

  Which sort of makes me worried that everything will somehow go wrong, returning me to the status quo.

  But that’s just negativity talking.

  “Horrible, maudlin art,” a voice says, making me jump about a foot in the air as I turn around to see who’s talking.

  Before I can fully turn, the world turns dark and smoky around me, swirling with grayish purple, and I fight back the urge to shriek because it’s probably best to keep my wits about me right now.

  When things settle somewhat and I find my footing, I see a man facing me.

  He’s tall with long, shining purple-gray hair the color of the smoke all around us.

  I don’t know if I’m in the apartment with some kind of illusion around me or somewhere else completely.

  But I know I’m safe since Ian would never let anything happen to me.

  “So you’re the one distracting Ian from his purpose,” the man says, folding long, lean arms and narrowing large almond eyes the shade of amethysts. His features are beautiful, pointed, and he reminds me a bit of Ian in his fae form.

  “What purpose?” I ask, anger stirring in me as I fold my arms and straighten, mirroring his position.

  “Don’t mock me, human,” he says.

  “Fae,” I retort. “I’m fae, not human.”

  He sneers, his full lips turning up at the corner. “You have powers?”

  I freeze, staring at him.

  His grin deepens. “I thought not. Stay out of my way. Stay out of Ian’s way. You’re only going to hurt him if you persist with this. Ian has something important to do, and you have no idea what you’re messing with.”

  I glare at him, sensing something that makes me feel a bit off-kilter. Something vaguely nauseating.

  Is that the chaos the fae have told me about?

  “Just don’t get in my way. Find some other soul bond,” he says.

  “You’re Ultraviolet, aren’t you?” I ask, taking a step forward.

  He seems a bit taken aback by my lack of fear. “How would you know?”

  “I’ve heard about you. When I met Dallin, the dragon. I mean, I only heard your name. But you’re the one holding Ian hostage for helping his friends, right?”

  Ultraviolet’s eyes darken. “I’m not holding anyone hostage. A deal is a deal.”

  I frown, anger rising in me. “It sounds like this deal was made before Ian could agree with it. You can’t force people retroactively.”

  He raises an eyebrow. “I can do anything my powers allow me to do, pipsqueak. Besides, Ian wants the same things I do. That’s why he agreed to my deal. You’re just a distraction.” His eyes narrow to slits as his tone goes a bit deeper. “So just stay out of my way.”

  “No,” I say, taking a step forward because I’m now sure that I feel chaos from him. “You stay away from my soul bond. Ian has a chance to be happy, and—”

  Ultraviolet throws his hands up. “You think that matters? You think any one fae’s happiness matters in a world where millions could be in danger if he backs out?” His glare is fierce now, removed of all false pleasantry. “You’ll regret making me your enemy, human.”

  “Fae,” I say. “And when I awaken my powers, we’ll see who has regrets.”

  He stares at me for a moment, then throws his head back and laughs. “Someone should have educated you on your place, little one. As a dark fae, you’d never have a chance against me.”

  “Why?”

  He shakes his head. “Not that I owe you an explanation, but light fae are the kings of our world. Dark fae are battle fodder.” His sneer is back. “You’ll see one day when it’s utterly hopeless.”

  “No, you’ll see,” I say, my hands tightening into fists. “When Ian chooses me over you and together we change the world in a better way than you ever could. If the world actually needs to be changed, that is.”

  “You aren’t worthy of him,” Ultraviolet says, hitting at my deepest doubts. “You’re a dark fae. Ask anyone. You never will be.”

  “It doesn’t matter if he wants me.”

  “Wants you or pities you?” Ultraviolet grins. “Didn’t he pick you up off the street? That boy always was softhearted. Anyway, millions are dying and enslaved, and you’re selfish enough to keep him from his purpose?” He folds his arms again. “You definitely don’t deserve him, dark fae.”
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  “Stop calling me that like it’s bad. A good friend of mine is a dark fae, and I bet you wouldn’t like it if he showed up right now.”

  Ultraviolet’s face goes paler just for a moment. Then that evil, cocky smile is back. “I don’t give a shit who shows up. I have a plan and a purpose. Besides, none of your friends has figured out a counter to my glamour.” He turns his nose up. “And now I’m leaving because there’s something about you I really don’t like. Something that makes me positively ill.”

  “Well, you make me ill, and I’m not going to let you corrupt him,” I retort.

  Anger flashes in his amethyst eyes, giving them a red glow at the center for a moment. Then his expression goes hard. “I’m not corrupting him. I’m helping him. Only, I understand the betrayal he feels. The need to get revenge—”

  “Revenge is never justified,” I assert. “That just proves to me that you don’t have good intentions.”

  “I don’t need good intentions,” he says, irritation creating flushed spots on his high cheekbones. “I have power. And I’m going to see that the right thing is done.”

  “By killing?” I ask. “That’s what you mean, right? By killing people?”

  “Ha, you should speak. Killing is practically all your people do. You want someone killed? Call a dark fae. Ask your friend if you think I’m wrong. Killing people is pretty much all dark fae can do. They can suck the life right out of anything.” He grins. “Notice anything around you losing power lately?”

  Everything in me tightens in shock as I think about what he means. Everything is constantly dying around me.

  My phone. My car. The Ferris wheel.

  “I’m right, aren’t I?” Ultraviolet asks. “So what, you’re going to stay with Ian until you drain him too?”

  I shake my head. “I don’t drain him. I help him. You drain him.”

  But my heart is shaken by everything Ultraviolet has said.

  “Just stay out of my way,” he hisses at me. “You aren’t in my plan. And if you don’t leave Ian alone, I’ll have to do something about you.”

  “Tell me the plan, then,” I say, putting up a hand to stop him. “What if I can help?”

  He just glares at me, shaking his head slowly in disgust as the air around us goes back to normal.

  In seconds, I’m back in Ian’s apartment, and Ultraviolet is gone.

  Despite knowing that I’m good for Ian, I can’t help feeling some doubt in myself for the first time in a long time.

  But still, I’m not going to believe Ultraviolet.

  He reeked of chaos, and I don’t know why Ian can’t see that as well.

  When he gets back, we’ll have to talk about it.

  Ian

  I’m barely back from the meeting with Tanner when Liz comes rushing into my arms, holding me tight as I kick the door shut behind me.

  My heart begins to race as I look down at her, wondering what has her so upset.

  She seems calmer when she finally pulls back from me a few moments later.

  She runs a hand through her short curls. “Sorry, I’m just happy to see you.”

  I reach out and catch her face in my hand, pulling her gently back in for a kiss, lowering my lips to claim hers.

  When her breathing is finally relaxed, I release her, though her eyes are animated for a different reason right now due to the kiss.

  Still, I love how my bond can soothe her.

  “Come on. Let’s talk about whatever is bothering you,” I say, sitting on the couch and trying to pull her onto my lap.

  “No,” she says. “I need to pace, to get this all out if that’s okay. Nervous energy.”

  “Sure,” I say. The past few days have been so wonderful, I think I’d agree to practically anything.

  She’s my soul bond. I feel that more every day.

  Sometimes it even feels… like I could let go of the other things. What Ultraviolet says is my destiny.

  Sometimes lately, I wonder if he is wrong.

  “Ian, what’s chaos?” She stares at me, arms folded. “I don’t think I understand the concept completely.”

  I frown. “Why do you ask?”

  “I mean, I want to know if I feel it.”

  I sigh. “You would know. It’s a sickly feeling. It makes you dizzy or nauseated. Depending on how strong it is. Someone who is possessed by chaos will feel different than someone mildly infected with it.”

  “So there are levels,” she says.

  “Sure,” I say. “There are full chaos fae that have abandoned all bonds and embraced chaos as their only power. There are fae who have just slightly strayed from their path. There are fae anywhere in the middle of those two. Then there are dragons or humans who have been infected by chaos against their will, either through abuse or experiments.”

  “That’s awful,” she says. “That’s what the dragon was talking about, right? When he told you to kill him?”

  I nod.

  “Is there hope for him?” she asks.

  I shrug. “We don’t know. We’re still figuring it out. My guess is it will be up to him.”

  She sighs. “Well. I guess I should just tell you everything, then.” Her eyes meet mine. “I met Ultraviolet.”

  I stand instantly, rage moving through me as I prepare to call the bastard out.

  But Liz gently catches me with two hands on my chest, pushing me back to the couch. “Please don’t overreact. Let me finish.”

  I let out a huff but fold my arms as I look up at her. “It was presumptuous for him to approach my soul bond without my permission…” I trail off as Liz’s eyes widen and I realize what I said.

  “I’m your soul bond?” she asks, looking shocked.

  I sink back into the couch, running a hand through my hair. “I think so. I didn’t want to say it…”

  “Because you still think you owe Ultraviolet or something.”

  “I still think I owe my world. But thanks to you, maybe I don’t think I have to do it the way Ultraviolet wants to.”

  “Good,” she says. “Because I think he’s full of chaos.”

  I hesitate, considering it for a moment. “It’s possible, though I haven’t felt it.”

  “He said that dark fae only know how to kill,” she says. “Is that true?”

  “No,” I say instantly, shaking my head. “They also…” I think for a moment. “Well, Tanner is good at killing. But it’s to defend his kingdom from chaos. Not all killing or dying is bad.”

  She sighs. “So we really are killers?”

  “All fae can kill,” I say. “That’s part of having powers. But that doesn’t mean it’s your only purpose.”

  “Then what is a dark fae good for?” She stares at me, horror welling in her eyes.

  I stand up and take her in my arms, holding her close.

  “I don’t know,” I say. “Maybe they’re good for painting beautiful landscapes. Or for loving. Or for making love to. Or for having whatever life they choose with their powers.” I push a curl off her forehead as I look down into her eyes. “You don’t have to kill. I’m sure there are other aspects to your powers.”

  She steps back, rubbing my arms gratefully before pushing me back onto the couch. “Thank you. But I still have things to address.”

  I nod. “Go ahead. I’m all ears.”

  “Have you killed?” She looks at me nervously.

  “Yes,” I say. “I killed many when helping Flynn free Callie from the light kingdom. Though, Flynn didn’t really need my help…” I trail off, sensing a familiar darkness inside me. “Sometimes I still want to kill more of them. I hate them so badly… I think that desire has been changing something inside me.” I meet her eyes, telling her my deepest secret, the one I truly don’t want my friends to see. “I think sometimes… I’m not right inside, ever since that moment.”

  She bites her lower lip. “It sounds like it was terrifying. To be in that position.”

  “I wasn’t terrified,” I say. “I was in a rage.”
r />   “The two are always connected,” she says solemnly. “You can’t have rage without fear.”

  I understand what she means, but I know what I feel also.

  Hate. Pain. Betrayal. That’s what is behind my rage.

  “I think you should break any deal you have with Ultraviolet,” she says. “Now that I’ve met him, I really don’t feel like he is good.”

  “He’s complex,” I say. “Like anyone.”

  She sighs. “You don’t feel the chaos on him?”

  “Maybe not,” I say, a dull fear finally making itself known inside me. “Then again, maybe I wouldn’t be the right one to know if there was chaos in his heart.”

  “Why?” she asks quietly.

  “Because there is chaos in mine,” I say, looking into her eyes. “At least, sometimes I think there is.”

  She bites her lower lip. “I haven’t felt that from you exactly. But isn’t that even more of a reason to stay away from him?”

  She’s only validating the things I’ve been wondering about in the past few days we have been together.

  “This isn’t good for you,” she says. “I don’t trust him. If he really wants your help, he should bring this out into the light and stop skulking in the shadows and making you hide everything from your friends.”

  “He can’t,” I say, though confusion is rushing through me. “There is too much at stake.”

  “Then all the more reason you should get your friends involved,” she says. “Since you trust them, right?”

  I nod. Everything seems a little clearer in me as I ponder her suggestion.

  A part of me wonders why I didn’t see this all along.

  “You suffered in the fae world,” she says. “The light kingdom seems to have hurt you too. So you don’t owe anyone, and this whole ‘the world is bad’ thing isn’t your fault. But if you want to change it, let’s do it together. With your friends. And make sure it’s not tainted by chaos. Because you told me that anything chaotic is dangerous.”

  I look up at her, still wondering if this is possible. A dark part of me says no. “But what if love and light can’t accomplish what needs to happen?”