Loved by Light (Wings, Wands and Soul Bonds Book 4) Read online

  “Before this all happened, Ian was this lighthearted, innocent sweetie. But he was betrayed. Killed by a light elder. Found out everything he knew was a lie.” She looks down, worried. “I’m afraid that the people who helped us are manipulating him. Using his hate. He has been so unhappy. Sulky. Until he met you.” She grins. “Now we’re at least seeing flashes of our former friend again. I think you’re good for him.”

  “Maybe,” I say. “But I won’t override what he wants. And he has a right to seek revenge, in my opinion.”

  “But where does it stop?” Callie asks. “People hurting people and hurting people and hurting people?” She shakes her head. “There’s nothing for him in revenge. Especially the way he might be going about it. There are ways to take on things in the fae world. Fight for change. But I don’t think he’s doing it the right way. I think he’s being manipulated.”

  Probably by Ultraviolet, but I can’t say that because I’m keeping Ian’s secrets.

  He needs to know he can trust me completely.

  “Look, I get that you’re on his side. I love that because he has needed someone for so long. You should have seen how excited he used to be to find a soul bond.” She giggles. “He even had Flynn teach him some moves.”

  I flush. “Seriously? I would pay to see that.”

  She laughs. “Me too. Anyway, that Ian who was so excited about just living and loving someone, he’s still in there. If someone could be patient enough to bring him back out.”

  I think about it for a moment. Is it possible she’s right? That Ian wants to soul bond but is stuck in darkness because of what happened?

  I don’t want to override what he wants, but what if he only wants it because of bad things that happened. What if he isn’t thinking straight?

  Then again, he saved my life, so who am I to second-guess him?

  “He deserves happiness, don’t you think?” Callie asks. “Can you really imagine him alone forever?”

  I suck in a breath, horror flooding me at the thought. “No.” He should have someone to love him. Hold him. Make love to him. Comfort him when he’s sad…

  “I’m not asking you to push him, but when I met Flynn, he didn’t think he could soul bond either, for different reasons. But with patience and love, sometimes we can help people come back to themselves.”

  “If it helps him, I’m willing to do it. I’d do anything for him,” I say eagerly. “But he seems pretty set on… whatever it is he wants to do.”

  She nods. “I get that. And if you attempt to push him away from that goal, he’d probably just fight you. Instead, distract him. Be with him. Get out in the human world and just enjoy the fresh air and sunshine. That’s what helped me with Flynn. The fae world was what bothered him, so I kept reminding him he was in the human world with me.”

  I purse my lips together. “So what did you do?”

  “I went to the ocean, among other things,” she says. “But Ian hates the ocean.” She giggles again, the sound magical. “You should have seen him trying to handle the waves. No, you’ll have to take him somewhere else. Somewhere fun where he can be the person he used to be, freed from responsibility and darkness.”

  I nod. “I’ll think of something.” Hope starts to grow in me, glowing like a tiny light. But is it really safe to hope for this?

  Either way, I don’t think I could let him go without a fight, knowing he wouldn’t be happy.

  Callie sighs in relief. “I’m so glad you’ll help him.”

  “I owe him,” I say simply. “He saved my life.”

  She peers at me. “That’s not all, is it, though?”

  I shake my head. “I suppose not. He’s super hot too, and I really care about him. Like an odd amount for how long I’ve known him. It feels like if something happened to him… a part of me would die. Honestly.”

  Callie nods. “Sounds like a soul bond. As I say, I knew before Flynn did. He knew he was drawn to me, but he didn’t know why. But I knew deep in my heart that he was part of me. When you feel that, you have to fight.”

  I flex playfully. “Well, you know us painters. Great fighters.”

  “That reminds me. I want to see your work when you have time.”

  “Of course,” I say, smiling at her as I stand up, already eager to see Ian. “I’ll probably start painting tomorrow. Should we get back to the guys? I have a soul bond to win over.”

  She grins. “Thatta girl. I promise he’s worth it. Flynn was, and Ian has been an amazing friend to us both.”

  I nod, but I can’t help feeling a bit nervous. I’m putting my heart on the line even daring to hope for this.

  But for Ian, my wonderful light fae, I can be a little bit brave.

  She grabs her purse and we leave the apartment together, heading down the hall to my place. “Come on. Let’s go see what they’re doing. I have a sneaking suspicion that Flynn has started to like Love Villa, and if I can prove it, I’ll have leverage over those violent car crash movies he likes.”

  I just laugh as I follow her down the hallway, my head still caught up in thoughts of how to win over Ian. And where I can take him to ease his heart and make him forget everything else.

  Ian

  When we get home from dinner with Flynn and Callie, after an evening of hanging out with them, I can’t keep my heart from racing.

  Maybe it’s because we enjoyed wine again or the furtive looks Liz kept sending me when Callie and Flynn weren’t looking, but a part of me can’t help thinking about all the things we could be doing when we get home.

  Another part of me is resolved to resist that temptation.

  As Liz walks into the apartment, looking gorgeous in a soft, blue tank and jeans, she gives me a smile, her curls bouncing as she walks. “So what’s next on the menu, hot stuff?”

  Damn, I love when she’s flirty.

  I rub the back of my neck. “Um. Love Villa?”

  She snorts, folding her arms as she faces me. “Wait, seriously? I thought we were vibing at dinner.”

  I frown. “I thought you understood that I’m not in the best mental space right now.” I walk past her and drop on the couch with a huff. “Look, you’re the best thing that could ever happen to me. I want you as I’ve never wanted anyone else. But it isn’t fair to you.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Oh, come on, Ian. That’s not what this is about, and you know it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I talked to your friends. They said you used to be excited about finding a soul bond. Callie took me aside and…” She gets nervous for a moment, then pulls a chair over in front of the couch. The way she straddles it and perches her chin on it to talk to me reminds me of Flynn.

  They’re both free spirits. Both fighters.

  But Liz is also sweet, innocent, and in love with me. I can feel it whenever she looks my way, and I’m utterly lost as to what to do about it.

  Because I’m clearly in love with her too.

  “Callie told me about what happened when you helped save her.”

  My heart tightens, and panic makes my blood race. “She shouldn’t have told you about that. It wasn’t hers to tell.”

  Liz raises an eyebrow. “Seriously? I think it was. She was the center of that story.” Liz’s eyes fill with sadness. “But on the other hand… I know that you lost the most that day.”

  I shake my head. “I didn’t lose anything so much as I gained the truth. And an ambition to take down those who hurt me.”

  “Callie said there are ways to do it other than what you’re doing.”

  I freeze. “How does she know what I’m doing?”

  “She doesn’t know exactly, but she said she suspects you’re being manipulated.”

  I stand, irritated, and begin to pace. “I’m tired of everyone treating me like I’m innocent or spoiled or like I don’t know what I’m doing. I was raised to fight for the common good, to protect the weaker. How can I stand myself if I don’t stand up when I need to against my own people?”

/>   “Again, there is probably another way. A slower way, but—”

  I pin her with my eyes, letting her see the pain there. “I don’t deserve a soul bond anymore, Liz. How could I look myself in the mirror if I experience the ultimate happiness yet my people have caused so much pain?” I shake my head. “Besides, Callie has no idea what it would take to… never mind.”

  “Take to what?” Liz asks curiously.

  I shake my head. “I’m not going to talk about this. I told you there were some things I couldn’t tell you about. I can’t do this, Liz. I want to help you. I’ll be there for you as long as I can. I’ll help you discover the fae inside you… but that’s all I can promise. I can’t tell you anything else. My world is just too dark.”

  Liz gets off the chair and walks over to me, grabbing me by the shirt to pull me over to the couch. She gently pushes me down, then climbs onto my lap.

  She runs a hand through my hair gently as she stares down into my face.

  “You looked like you needed soothing.”

  I did, and this feels amazing, though I don’t deserve it. I lean my head back against the couch and just savor her touch, the light scrape of her fingernails over my scalp.

  Then I gently move her hand away. “Thank you, but I’m fine.” If she touches me much longer, I’ll lose myself again.

  I want her so badly.

  “Look, Ian,” she says. “It’s not like I don’t understand darkness and disillusionment. I mean, I was never raised like you were, but I’ve been homeless, friendless, ripped off, assaulted…”

  My eyes widen. “When and who—”

  She puts a finger to my lip. “An awesome light fae saved me.”

  I nod. “Good.”

  “But if you had already gone and done… whatever it is you think you need to do in your world, I wouldn’t have found you. I would have been hurt.”

  My lips press together as anger surges through me. The thought of anything happening to her, it destroys me inside.

  “So there’s a choice in everything. Not everything has to be your responsibility. You have friends willing to help you in the other world. Don’t go do something stupid, alone.”

  How is she picking up on things so readily?

  She places her hand on my shoulder, squeezing gently. “Or at least acknowledge that you do deserve good things. Don’t make yourself a martyr for some cause.”

  I want to believe her. I want to block out everything I know and cup her face and kiss her. Pick her up and carry her back to the bedroom and show her again just how I feel about her.

  But it’s like there’s a storm in me, and I can’t think straight.

  “I don’t know, Liz.”

  “You need to relax either way,” she says. “Come with me to a theme park. Let’s just have fun in the sun, human style. After all, Ultraviolet shouldn’t be needing you soon.”

  I glance up at her. “You understand this doesn’t change anything?”

  I’m not sure I can be persuaded. Of course I want to stay with her forever and keep her safe, but I will make sure my friends take care of that for me.

  “I don’t know,” she says. “You can’t tell me not to hope, but that’s on me. I’ll never hate you for anything, ever. But I can’t stop building what this is between us. I won’t.”

  I nod softly. “Then I’d love to go to a theme park with you.”

  I just can’t help getting swept up in her love, her light, and the warmth I feel when I’m with her.

  It’s odd that my heart feels more alive than ever when in just a short while, I’m probably going to die.

  15

  Liz

  It’s so cute seeing Ian so overwhelmed by everything around him as we enter Action by the Sea, roller coasters rising like skyscrapers in every direction.

  “They look like dragons,” he says. “Monsters of metal.”

  I giggle, putting my arm through his to pull him over to a stand selling cotton candy. Since my paycheck came through, I buy him one, and when he tastes it, the look of surprise on his face is everything.

  “What is this?” he asks, pulling off a piece to give me a bite. I open my lips and he places it on my tongue, and as it melts, we share another hot look.

  I turn away quickly. “It’s cotton candy.”

  “It’s good,” he says, taking another piece and handing it to me, looking as if he’s more interested in feeding me than he is in eating it himself.

  I giggle and take it from him and lead him from one ride to the next, telling him how intense each might be.

  We also stop at a few game booths, but Ian doesn’t seem interested in playing any of them.

  It wouldn’t be fair, he says, due to his strength. Though, he looks a bit longingly at a stuffed donut hanging above the ring toss.

  I think I’ll win that for him later to surprise him.

  Finally, he decides he’s ready to take on a roller coaster and points at a metal behemoth known as Colossus.

  “Are you sure?” I ask, staring at the structure dubiously. I haven’t ridden a lot of coasters, but this is an old one. It makes a rickety clacking noise as it goes up the track and lets out liberal screeching at every turn.

  He nods. “There’s a dragon on the sign. How could we pass it up?”

  I laugh, shaking my head. “Okay, then. Let’s go.”

  We wait in line, and I seize the opportunity to put my hands on his waist, standing close to him.

  When he looks down at me curiously, I just grin. “This is the kind of thing people do when they go on a date to an amusement park.”

  His cheeks blush adorably. “They do?” His hands cup my hips, firm and dominant, and he looks over me in a way that makes my whole body heat up. “I guess I’d better not betray human customs.”

  Now it’s my turn to blush as he lowers his head for a kiss, and his lips brush mine briefly, just long enough to send heat rushing through me all the way to my toes.

  He cups my head, brushing my hair back with his thumb as he pulls back. “You’re so beautiful.”

  He looks at peace again, and I love when I can see him like this, like the storm brewing inside him has calmed at least for a moment.

  All too soon, it’s our turn on the coaster, and as we step up, my hand in his, I realize we’ve had the luck to get the front car. I jump in place excitedly, and Ian eyes me like I’ve lost my mind.

  “It’s the best view,” I say. “What a way to ride your first roller coaster.”

  The ride attendant, a teen with a bored expression, eyes Ian with a frown. “Damn, weird first pick. You’re in for a bumpy ride.”

  I raise an eyebrow at him, but Ian is already climbing into the car, a determined expression on his face like he’s facing battle.

  I climb in next to him, and we both pull down our lap bars. That’s right, just lap bars, even though this coaster has loops that go upside down.

  He gives me a look. “These will hold us?”

  I nod. “You’ll see.”

  The ride starts moving forward, clack-clack-clacking up the track to the top, where we can see the tiny buildings below, the fields beyond, and even the ocean in the distance.

  I turn to point out something to him and notice he’s looking straight at me as if he’s lost in just watching me.

  His lips curve in a smile, and he cups my head to kiss me right as the car reaches the apex.

  I sink into the kiss, a thrill going through me at the fact that we’re about to drop into nothing.

  And then he lets me go and sits back, putting an arm out to help me do the same as the car careens over the hill and into a free fall.

  I let out a scream and throw my hands in the air as wind blasts my face and the feeling of weightlessness churns in my belly.

  I look over to see Ian doing the same, and for a moment, it’s just fun to let everything else go away for a moment.

  I don’t know if I’ve ever seen him look freer.

  I put my hands back on the lap bar as
we hit the first turn, and Ian does the same. Then he puts his hands out again as we go into a corkscrew turn, and I feel my stomach drop out from under me.

  I hold on tight and close my eyes, nauseous for the rest of the ride. But hearing Ian’s shouts of excitement fill up my heart all the same.

  It’s not until we stop that I feel his hand on my shoulder, hear his concerned voice.

  “I’m sorry, Liz. I should have picked another ride,” he says, helping me out of the car when our lap bars go up.

  “No way,” I say, grinning up at him as I take his hard, warm arm to steady myself. “I’ll be fine after a snow cone.”

  He wrinkles his nose. “A what?”

  “I’ll show you. You buy this time,” I tease, pulling him to a booth by the ride.

  We order, and he picks tiger’s blood, obviously, and I pick kiwi.

  We sit on a bench under a tree and watch couples and families walk by.

  It’s important to just take things slow sometimes, enjoy the scenery.

  I know I’m enjoying the scenery as I watch Ian take his first taste of snow cone.

  “Sweet,” he says, cocking his head. “Want to try it?”

  I nod, opening my mouth for a bite. He feeds me. Then I feed him a taste, and by the end, we’re both fidgeting and blushing like teenagers.

  Though, when it comes to having a crush, does anyone ever truly grow up?

  I point to the Ferris wheel behind us at the back of the park. “What do you think? Time for some romance?” I wiggle my eyebrows at him.

  He takes a moment to study the large wheel with little open-air cars with couples in them, enjoying the view together. “Yes. I want to try it.”

  We finish our snow cones, and he grabs my hand, pulling me toward the Ferris wheel.

  When we get there, he helps me on, and we barely fit on one side together due to his wide shoulders and arms.

  But as I lean in against him, I can’t think of anything better.

  The sun is lower in the sky and will probably set soon. We decided to come in the evening because it would be cooler. Plus, I like riding roller coasters at night.

  But for now, with the sky painted in beautiful oranges and pinks over a palette of pale, cool blue, this is everything I can hope for.