Bear To The Bone (Bear Claw Security 1) Page 9

  Carrie was wearing the jacket. He knew what they expected. A quick, claiming kiss and then coming back to drink with them. No time to explain to her. No time to figure things out, like whether she hated him or whether she understood what he’d done.

  In trying to protect her from putting on the jacket, he’d made her put on the jacket.

  But he wanted her to know all he wished was for no harm to come to her. All he wanted was for her to be safe.

  He caught her around the waist and pulled her into him. He was relieved when she melted into his kiss, tensing only when the Aces let out cheers and catcalls. Then he released her, trying to tell her silently with his eyes that things would be okay soon enough.

  As soon as they could go back to their own little world together.

  When he released her, she stared at him with wide eyes, but he couldn’t read her expression. Then she turned and went back to the bar, looking slightly defeated as she served drinks wearing the jacket.

  He hated that he’d done that to her. All he could hope was this would all be over soon. Now that she was wearing the jacket, especially after he’d proved he’d enforce it with his fight with Steve, all he had to do was focus on taking the Aces down.

  So she never had to look that disappointed in him again.

  9

  When the other Aces had left the bar, Cage walked over to each of the tabs left on the tables and made sure each was paid with an ample tip. Carrie was in the back, probably changing and getting ready to walk out with him, so she wouldn’t see him doing it.

  He had quite a good deal of money from starting his own business with Limes and Bronson.

  He and Carrie could be very comfortable together once this was all over.

  That was if she forgave him for getting so brutal in front of her and making her wear his patch.

  When he’d first gotten Willow’s request to come out and protect Carrie, he’d never thought it would get this complicated. He’d just thought it the perfect time to finally go back and claim his mate and end the Aces once and for all, leaving the town of Winter Falls safe.

  He sat slumped on the too-small barstool as he waited for Carrie to come out of the office.

  A minute later, she was there, the jacket over her arm and a tired smile on her face. “You ready to go?”

  “How’d you know I’d be walking you home?” he asked.

  One corner of her lips quirked. “You beat up a man for me. I kind of just assumed you weren’t going to let me go home alone.”

  “Damn right,” he declared, putting out an arm for her, which she took, wrapping hers through it and leaning against him. She locked up the doors behind them, and they started down the street toward her car.

  “Wait,” he said, pulling her to a stop and facing her. In the illumination of the streetlights, she looked gorgeous, her blond hair tucked behind her ears and trailing over her shoulders and down her back. Her big blue eyes sparkling.

  He took the jacket from off her arm and held it out for her to slip into it. When she eyed him warily, he sighed. “Can you put it on just for a moment? Just for warmth? There’s something I want to show you.” She frowned, and he laughed. “I promise after that, you can take me home and yell at me, okay?”

  She sighed and finally stepped into it, pulling it around her. “The leather’s so warm.”

  “I know,” he said. “One of the downsides of being in an MC. You get used to certain creature comforts.”

  “I’m sure,” she said sardonically. She started in the direction of her car, and he tugged her in another direction, across the street where his bike was parked. As part of the club, he’d had to come back with a bike. A nice one. It was the first requirement of joining any MC, and the bike was basically owned by the club once you were in.

  It was huge, gleaming chrome accents combined with sleek black, with a large comfy seat and room for a passenger behind him. Where an MC member’s old lady would ride.

  He had no delusions about her being his old lady. He wasn’t even truly a member of the Aces. But tonight had been troubling, stressful, and he’d found the best thing for that was a ride.

  When he’d bought the bike when he got out of the army, he’d told himself it was just because he would probably need it at some point to go undercover on a security job. Plus, it was easy to get around on.

  But the truth was he’d started riding young, and there was nothing like the freedom of the road. Well, maybe there was one thing that topped it. Being in Carrie’s arms.

  He straddled the bike in one smooth movement and then grabbed and handed her his helmet.

  She put it on, folded her arms, and eyed the bike skeptically. “Are those things safe?”

  “Depends on the driver,” he said. “Do you trust me?”

  “Should I?” she asked.

  He cocked his head. He loved how little and curvy she looked in the oversized jacket and tight jeans. She’d look just right on the back of his bike. He’d probably want to take her on rides even when they moved out of here. “I haven’t died yet.”

  “Yet,” she said. “Sometimes I really think you’re pushing your luck, buster.”

  “Good thing I’m a pretty lucky bastard.”

  That made her grin, and she sighed in resignation and came forward, putting a hand on him for balance and stepping up and over the bike to straddle it behind him. Then her arms came around his waist instinctively, and he could feel how much smaller she was, how much more feminine.

  He grinned and started the engine, letting it rumble into the mostly empty night.

  “Let’s go for a ride,” he said. And then he made sure she was secure, with her feet in the right place and her arms tight around him, and roared out into the street, out into the blackness with lights all around.

  The wind on his face and his girl at his back. Everything was perfect, at least for now.

  * * *

  Carrie gasped as Cage pulled out into the street and the bike quickly accelerated. She was surprised by how sturdy it felt, how secure it was even when he took a hard turn onto a side street, headed in the direction of the forest. Was he going to take her on the trails around Willow’s place?

  Damn, she loved the feel of his hard abs, his warm back, the way their leather felt together. Being with Cage like this was some sort of fantasy. Almost enough to make her forget what had happened in the bar.

  Cage had fought for her before. As a teen, he’d confronted some Aces that had been harassing her and dealt with them easily. But he’d done it like he’d confronted Harvey, with a simmering calm that was deceptive to whoever faced him.

  In the bar, he’d been an animal. Kicking a man who was down even as the victim couldn’t move. And with all of the Aces watching.

  She knew he’d probably been making a point. One she didn’t understand and wouldn’t understand until he explained it to her later.

  But she knew he was stressed, and right now, he just had to ride.

  Sure enough, they headed down the country roads that led to the turnoff to Willow’s. The night was perfect. Just cool enough to feel refreshing, but the jackets they wore were warm enough she could almost forget the patches on them.

  She didn’t mind they seemed to be headed in the direction of Willow’s place and were still in their leathers. It was after midnight, and Willow and the kids would be in bed. The place would be dark.

  They turned around corners and sped down straightaways, the forest looming overhead and casting shadows as trees blocked the moonlight for seconds at a time.

  She held on tight, loving the rumbling of the bike and feeling guilty for it.

  She shouldn’t have to feel guilty about loving Cage. About being with him. But was she being really unfair to both of them? Was she expecting too much?

  It was because she hadn’t worn the jacket that he’d had to fight like that. And she’d known putting on the patch could stop it all, could convey the message he wanted.

  But beyond that, was any of
this fair? Should she really expect him to protect her when she had no real intention of staying with him as long as he was an Ace?

  She didn’t want to see him hurt people for her. She wasn’t worth more than any other person.

  Maybe she should just start negotiating with the Aces. Maybe she could get enough money to support Willow and the others while she looked for something else. Willow insisted she was doing fine, but Carrie felt she owed a debt to her and the other kids, to repay what she’d been given.

  But now that she saw the position it put Cage in, she didn’t know what to do. He was assigned to make her give up the bar. The jacket was part of that; she knew from the conversations she’d overhead from the Aces tonight. And from what Cage had said before.

  Could she stop wearing the jacket and make it so he didn’t have to fight either if she just gave up on her business?

  The thought rankled, but not as much as what had happened with Cage tonight.

  He could have been hurt. She was disappointed her pettiness over not wanting to wear a simple piece of clothing had caused him to have to do that.

  The clothing had bothered her because of what it symbolized, but Cage was more than a symbol to her. Cage was flesh and blood, a living, breathing man that had always meant more to her than anything else.

  But perhaps he’d always been more fantasy than reality. From the first day he’d walked out of the woods until the day he’d walked out of her life to make a way for himself to the day he’d come back wearing that damn leather jacket.

  Maybe she was trying to hold on to something impossible. Maybe she couldn’t hope for any better than them simply going their separate ways.

  She would never be a full Ace. And as long as he was set on her, he’d keep putting himself in danger.

  “What are you thinking back there?” he asked over the rumble of the engine as they went a little slower down the main road toward Willow’s place. On their left, a wide meadow opened in front of them, partially lit by moonlight, partially shaded by trees.

  He slowed and parked the bike, putting the stand down and touching the ground with both booted feet.

  “Good call stopping before we get too close,” she said, rubbing her arms as he got off the bike. “Wouldn’t want to wake everyone up.”

  “Plus, you got really still back there. Made me wonder what was going on in your head.” He stood in front of her, and she perched sideways on the bike, bringing one leg over so both were on one side.

  “Just thinking about us,” she said, looking up into his eyes. If we could ever work, she added silently.

  “Interesting,” he said. “You ready to dump me because I wailed on that beefcake?”

  She shrugged. “You did what you had to, I’m assuming.”

  He tilted his head and raised one dark eyebrow. Dammit, he looked so handsome in the moonlight, the perfect compliment to his pale skin and gorgeous dark hair. His eyes caught the light like a little twinkling star on each side.

  She caught her breath and forgot what he’d been saying at all. He leaned in close until he was just a breath away. But he wasn’t going to kiss her. He was just being uncomfortably close. Close enough to make her want him to kiss her. But holding back.

  So much male was pretty overwhelming.

  She looked into his eyes, unafraid. “What is it?”

  “Then why were you disappointed?”

  “Huh?” she asked, looking confused. “Disappointed?”

  “After the fight, after you put on the jacket, you looked disappointed,” he said.

  “Oh, that.” She shrugged. “It wasn’t you. I guess I was disappointed in myself.”

  “I knew it.” He pulled back and stood up away from her. “I knew you were mad you had to put that jacket on.”

  “No,” she said, stepping down off the bike to face him. They were still a ways from Willow’s place, so she didn’t have to keep her voice down. “It’s not like that. I was disappointed in myself. Disappointed my stubbornness had put you in that position. I’m just wondering if this just isn’t meant to work out.”

  His gaze snapped to hers, his jaw tight. “What do you mean?” He backed her up until she was against his bike. “Of course it’s going to work out.”

  She put her hands on his chest, gently pressing him back, though it was useless because he was like steel and she like water. All she could ever do was flow around him. She could never move him.

  “You keep saying that, but you don’t really know,” she said. “You keep secrets. You do things you know I don’t want, but you know your charm will make up for it. You know, as we are, things can’t work, but you keep saying you’ll fix it. Meanwhile, every time I see something like tonight happen, I die a little inside, wondering if it’s just us trying too hard to make something happen when it’s not meant to be.”

  He rolled his eyes and looked up at the moon for patience. Then he glared back at her. “Not meant to be. Seriously?”

  She nodded.

  “Look,” he said. “You don’t even know just how much we’re meant to be, because I can’t tell you everything about me. But Carrie, I’ve known since I was twelve years old that you were it for me.”

  She threw up her hands and tried to walk out of his arms, but he didn’t budge. “Then why is everything so wrong? Why didn’t you come back sooner? Why didn’t you send for me to come to you? Why didn’t you fight for me rather than just coming to the Aces?”

  “I am fighting for you,” he said, dipping close. “I fought for you tonight.”

  “Not that kind of fighting,” she said. “I mean changing yourself so we can be together kind of fighting.”

  “You want me to change,” he said.

  “I want you to change your circumstances,” she explained. “Do you know how hard it was to let you go? Do you know how much I wanted you to stay?” She shook her head. “No, you can’t. You never will.”

  “You told me to go,” he said through gritted teeth. He was so impossibly tall, but she knew no matter how angry Cage was, he could never hurt her. “How could you resent me for that?”

  “I don’t,” she said. “Except when I think my sacrifice in losing you meant nothing.”

  “Fine,” he said, stepping back from the bike and putting up his large hands. “So you don’t want me and you really think I’m a loser who just went and fucked around for ten years and came back to join my father’s gang and force you to be my old lady.”

  She blinked and sighed. “What am I supposed to think?”

  His hands dropped and tightened into fists and he paced in front of the motorcycle for a moment. “You’re supposed to trust me. But I get why you can’t. And I get why you don’t want me—”

  But she couldn’t stand the hurt emanating from him, and she ran forward and caught him around the waist. “Stop it,” she said. “Just stop. It’s been a hard night for both of us. No, it’s been a hard life.”

  He turned to put his arms around her, and everything felt right again. She felt like panic was exploding out of her at times, but never when he held her. When he touched her.

  “Don’t you feel how right this is?” he asked. “Don’t you feel like two people shouldn’t be allowed to feel so good, so peaceful, if we aren’t meant to be?”

  “I don’t know,” she said.

  He pulled her against his side and turned her to look at the meadow with him. It was so beautiful at night, with the grass lightly blown to a tilt by the cold winds passing down from the mountains.

  “I was always drawn in by this place, from the first time I ran from the compound. I never even knew I’d meet you here, but I always liked it. I’d heard who lived here, and I almost wished I didn’t have parents so I could stay here,” he said.

  She nodded. He’d told her so before.

  “But I’m glad for who I am. Because it led to this moment. And I’m sorry you hate what I’m doing this much. But you know me, right? I’m Cage, the kid you’ve known since you were thirteen. You knew
we were going to be together, right?”

  She flushed and didn’t say anything. She’d felt like that sometimes. But he’d never said that’s how it would be. And when they were writing, she didn’t know if she was just that friend he remembered from a small town and nothing more. She thought for sure Cage would meet other, prettier, flashier girls and forget she was back in Winter Falls.

  And she wouldn’t have even resented him for it, because all she’d wanted was the best for him.

  But maybe he was right. Maybe she was wrong to stop hoping, because it had been clear there was something special between them.

  “Why did you stop writing?” she asked.

  “You stopped, too,” he said.

  “After you didn’t respond to a couple letters, I didn’t see the point in sending more,” she said.

  “I meant to,” he said. “I guess I got too caught up in work. Somehow, in my head it was okay I wasn’t communicating, because what I was doing was all for us, making sure I could come back for you.”

  “And what were you doing?” she asked.

  He blinked and looked down at her. “I can’t tell you yet.”

  She frowned, disappointment washing through her.

  “I told you before, Carrie. Think of me as an Ace. I wish I could tell you I was something else, but I can’t.”

  She frowned. “I’m trying to deal with it. If you can be patient with me.” She looked at her jacket. “I’ll try not to be so stubborn about things, because I don’t want you to get hurt or have to hurt people. But I also don’t know how far I can push myself before I break.”

  “I won’t let you break,” he said. “I’ll keep you together.” He pulled her against his chest and shielded her from everything. It felt so right, embracing here in Willow’s field where they’d first met.

  “Cage, sometimes I feel like you’re hiding so much from me. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know how I’ll cope when I find it all out.” Her voice was a tiny squeak as she spoke, her deepest fears bubbling to the surface despite all her best wishes.