Remem-bear Me (Polar Heat Book 4) Page 2

  She reached a hand up to her lips, touching her mouth absent-mindedly. Yes, there was something about Sam Weston that was familiar, too familiar.

  She’d even felt her body respond to him. And she hadn’t responded like that to anyone, not since she’d woken up. She’d just assumed something had happened to her sex drive when she was hurt, that maybe when she woke up from her coma, she’d left her libido behind. But the minute she looked at his 6’6”, heavily muscled body in that elegant, professional gray suit, she’d felt her body light on fire like a furnace that hadn’t been lit in too long.

  She opened her suitcase, wishing she had more stylish things to choose from for their date.

  Wait, was it a date? Would a man like him be interested in her? She’d never had any of the men around her at home look at her that way. She bit her lip and spread out her available dresses on her bed with a sigh. There hadn’t been much cause to wear pretty dresses in the past years.

  One of the dresses was a simple red dress made out of a stretchy material she found flattering and comfortable. And she needed to be comfortable tonight, because she was sure it was going to be one of the most uncomfortable nights of her life.

  Even though something in her body was already buzzing in anticipation of seeing Sam all over again.

  She walked to the window to shut the blinds but paused and looked out at the ocean. She opened the sliding door and walked onto the deck of her balcony, leaning on the rail and letting ocean breeze sweep over her. Between the beautiful tropical scent of the air and the wide blue of the ocean in front of her, she thought it was the most beautiful place she’d ever seen.

  A part of her felt connected to this in some way, as if she’d once wanted to be here. But she pushed it away, as she did when something arose that seemed only half-baked. She didn’t know what she was simply imagining and what was actually a memory from her past life. Plus, she really didn’t think she’d ever been here.

  She walked back inside, shut the door and the blinds, and slowly changed into the dress she’d been wearing. Then she dug into a small pocket of her bag and pulled out her only real treasured possession. A small pair of ruby earrings she’d had on when she was injured. She put them in her ears and ran a brush through her hair and took a look in the mirror.

  Was she beautiful? She really hadn’t cared much over the years. She hadn’t needed to be very beautiful in her day-to-day work as a grocery store clerk. A boring, redundant job that had nonetheless kept the demons away. Kept her busy until she went home at night to an empty house and lay awake for long hours, trying to remember who she was and trying to suppress it at the same time. It was like fighting to get out of a prison but having a part of you on the other side holding the door shut.

  She supposed that however she looked, it would have to do. She looked at the clock and saw it was time for Sam to come, just as she heard a knock at the door.

  “Coming,” she said.

  When she opened the door, he was standing there with a single red rose, long-stemmed and beautiful, just about to bloom. He handed it to her with a small smile and she took it and sniffed it. The scent was heavenly.

  “Here,” he said, moving past her into the room. “I’ll get you a glass to put it in.” He disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a tall, narrow glass filled with water. He took the rose from her, put it in, and then arranged it nicely on her bedside table. “There, something to keep you comfortable while you’re here. I hope you’re staying for a while.”

  “That was the hope,” she said. “As long as it seemed like there was something I could learn. You don’t understand. I’ve been waiting so long to find out about me.”

  “Oh,” he said, face going serious as he raised to his full, intimidating height. “Trust me, I completely understand.” Then he let out a deep laugh that shook her to the core. This man had experienced pain. She only prayed it hadn’t been because of her.

  The longer he was in the room with her, the more claustrophobic she felt and the more her body begged to get on top of him. He turned to open the door for her and she was shocked when her eyes went automatically to his absolutely gorgeous butt. He handed her through the door with a polite smile, placing her hand on the inside of his arm in a familiar moment that seemed like he’d done it a thousand times before, and she felt a deep blush move over her face.

  Here he was being a complete gentleman, and she couldn’t keep thoughts of having him in her bed out of her mind. As they took the elevator down to the main level, she felt images swirling through her. Images she shouldn’t have had, of him making love to her, sweaty and intense as he pumped into her.

  How could she remember that? Had they been lovers? He certainly looked at her that way sometimes. Even now, she could sense his intent gaze on her, heating her from head to toe, like every nerve in her responded to him.

  She wanted badly to ask him what they were, but she worried if she did they’d end up back in her bedroom, with her on her back and him driving into her, if she didn’t wait to talk until they were seated in the dining room.

  She hadn’t known chemistry like this could exist between two people, but there were more important things than sex right now. Like finding out what he could tell her about her past. A fling could wait, but she had to know everything she could about who she was.

  He led her to the nicest restaurant in the hotel, and the hostess greeted him cordially and led them to a private table at the very back of the restaurant that was closed off from the other tables and overlooked the ocean. The sun was beginning to set and Jo didn’t know how she could have gotten so lucky as to deserve watching a beautiful tropical sunset here with a beautiful man. She looked up to see him watching her. As she did, she saw the hostess looking at him over her shoulder and stifled a growl as a wave of possessiveness rolled through her.

  Then she calmed herself, smoothing her napkin over her lap. Of course she had no claim on this beautiful, dignified man who seemed to have everything.

  He reached across the table and took her hands in his, stroking lightly over the top of them, sending electric sparks shooting through her as a deep ache took up residence in her heart. “I still can’t believe I’m looking at you, right across from me. I’m so glad you’re home safe.”

  “Home?” she snapped, pulling back her hands. He let her go, looking reluctant about it, and then looked out at the sunset with a sigh.

  “I suppose not. I’m going too fast. I’m not sure what to do with you. I can see you don’t feel about me the way I feel about you, but I don’t know how much of that is real and how much of it is part of what happened to you when you were away from me.”

  She swallowed. “I don’t know what to tell you. All I know is my name.” And that she was shot, but she thought she’d leave that out until she knew he could be trusted. For all she knew, he was the one who had hurt her. A stabbing pain went through her head and she put up a hand to rub at her temple. Damn her memory.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, putting up his hands. “I didn’t mean to upset you. How about we order dinner and just enjoy ourselves for a bit? You look like you need to relax.”

  She nodded slowly.

  He waved over the waiter and ordered for both of them. She’d never had a man order for her, and surprisingly, what he ordered sounded delicious, just like something she’d order for herself. More mysteries.

  While they waited for the food, he told her about the island, vague details about his family that made her prickly inside. He had grandkids, but he didn’t say anything about there being a grandma in the picture.

  His life sounded amazing, and she wanted to just insert herself into it.

  Her life had been rough, full of drudgery and loneliness, but with this bright, sparkling man who glowed with life and promise, she felt she was coming alive again. As they ate and drank, she felt the ache and stress of the past few years slowly fading away, like a year was erased with every good, relaxed moment with him.

  When din
ner was done and she was comfortably full of good food and her face was sore from laughing at the things Sam said, she became aware of a low, buzzing tension between them. He checked his watch and she looked out and noticed it was getting darker.

  “Want to go for a walk on the beach?” he asked. “The sand here is amazingly soft, and it tends to be just the thing after a dinner like this.”

  She grinned and nodded, letting him help her to her feet. “That sounds lovely.”

  He settled his hand into the small of her back to lead her outside. She wondered if she should allow him to do something so familiar, but somehow, it just felt right.

  3

  When they walked outside, he bent to help her remove her sandals and carried them for her without asking. He was just the sort of man who took care of things without thinking about it, and it made her feel safe and secure. And happy for the first time in so long. It was like coming back to your heart.

  She just didn’t know why, and she wasn’t sure she would like the answer.

  They walked out by the ocean, strolling languidly just at the edge of the waves. Sam had his pants adorably rolled up and his suit coat slung over his arm. Jo looked out at the rolling water and let out a long breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.

  “Want to sit for a bit?” he asked, putting his suit coat down for her in the sand. He sat down on the damp beach without complaint, and she winced because that suit probably cost more than her whole outfit combined.

  “Are you sure?” she asked.

  “What are suits for if not to be chivalrous with beautiful ladies?” he asked playfully, pulling her down onto the jacket. The sand was soft and she relaxed into it. His soft jacket kept any grains from getting to her, and she sighed as she leaned back and looked out at the ocean.

  “Thank you,” she said. “It’s so beautiful, and it’s an amazing night. I’m just sorry I can’t give you what you want.”

  “What do I want?” he asked, reaching out to touch a lock of her hair. Then he seemed to realize it was inappropriate and pulled back and sat rod straight, looking out at the ocean. “I’m sorry.”

  “I think you want me,” she said. “I just don’t know why.”

  “Tell me about you,” he said, looking at her abruptly. The sight of those handsome eyes pinned on her almost took away her breath.

  “I don’t know anything about me,” she said.

  “No, I mean, what you do for work, what your day-to-day is like.” He swallowed and looked as if he had to force out the next words. “If there’s any family.”

  Her heart sank. “There might be some, somewhere out there. I have no memory of it, though.”

  He nodded, exhaling in relief. “No men, then?”

  She shook her head. “Goodness, no. I’ve never been interested in them. At least, in the life I can remember.”

  “Women?” he asked quickly, raising an eyebrow.

  She laughed. “No, not that I know of. I honestly just… haven’t been interested since I woke up.”

  “Woke up?” he asked.

  She shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about it. Not yet. It’s painful.”

  He nodded. “But we’ll have to talk about it at some point. So what do you mean not interested?” He looked amused as she squirmed uncomfortably at the direction of the conversation.

  “I mean… sexually, I haven’t.” She put her head in her hands to hide her blush. She didn’t know why she was acting like a schoolgirl. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this,” she said.

  “I know why,” he said with a soft, knowing grin. But he turned back to the ocean, giving her a view of his perfect, chiseled profile. He looked like a movie star, dignified and striking and confident, so self-assured.

  “Why?” she asked, her throat feeling dry.

  He gave her a heated glance. “Because you’re interested in me, sexually. And you don’t know why.”

  She nodded slowly. What was the point in lying? She didn’t know what her flaws had been in her past life, but she didn’t think one of them was lying.

  His grin widened. “Glad to know I still have the touch.”

  She hmphed. “Like teasing women, do you?”

  “Just one,” he said, giving her a sideways smile.

  She felt her heart stutter at the look he was giving her. Like she was the only woman in the world. “Were we lovers?” she asked, afraid to hear the answer as her heart thudded in her chest.

  He took a deep breath, as if deciding how to answer. “No, Jo. We were so much more than that.”

  She leaned toward him, not even knowing what she was doing, but just following what her body urged her to do. He put a hand up to stroke her face.

  “You’ve only become more beautiful in the years you’ve been gone,” he said.

  “How long have I been gone?” she asked, flushing as his gentle touch stoked the fire within her. She wanted him, needed him like she needed air. If she didn’t have him, she’d die. Everything about her called to him, belonged to him. Yet it made no sense. She’d been alone for years, could love really last that long?

  “A long time,” he said. “But you’re back. That’s all that matters.”

  She let him continue to run his hands through her hair, getting lost in the hypnotic peace it brought. “I don’t understand. How can I feel like this? How can you? We’ve just met. There are five years I don’t remember, but there are fifteen years I do. And you’re not in any of them. I’ve always been alone.”

  He crushed her against his chest, and she could feel the pain of his emotion in the way his hands shook. “I’m sorry you’ve been out there alone. I tried to find you, but at some point, I had to take care of our sons.”

  “Our sons?” she asked, feeling blood escape her face as shock moved through her.

  “Yes,” he said. “Our three sons. Scott, Sebastien, and Sky.”

  Her eyes went impossibly wide and she felt as if the world was spinning as a sharp, shooting pain went through her head. She bent forward, holding her head in her hands as she tried to remember. Children. She had children? The grief of it consumed her, not because she remembered them, but because she couldn’t.

  She looked up at Sam with horror. If this beautiful man had been hers, then how could she ever have been separated from him?

  “We were married? I was your wife?” she gasped hoarsely, her throat almost too dry to speak.

  He shook his head. “No, you were so much more than that. You were my mate.”

  The pressure in her head at the word “mate” grew too intense and she felt herself falling backward. She could have sworn he said something about the word “bear,” right as she passed out and everything went black.

  * * *

  Sam paced in his room the next morning, wondering just how things had gone so wrong and how he could figure out what to tell his mate when some things seemed to be too much for her body to handle.

  He’d taken her back to her room last night after she’d fainted on the beach. He’d carried her up to her room and tucked her in and then sat by her bed for much of the night, remembering how they’d been before. How many times he’d carried her when she’d been pregnant with their sons or when she’d simply wanted to jump into his arms for a ride to the bedroom.

  How it felt to make love to her. He’d longed to wake her and pull her into his arms. Though it had been years, his body yearned for her the exact same way it always had. But when she’d been far away, it hadn’t been as much of an issue. He’d just gone without. It was different than being forced to sit so close to her marvelous curves, her soft, feminine body that had borne their children, had loved him for years with everything in her, and not being able touch her at all.

  She didn’t remember him. She didn’t know why he turned her on, made her interested in things she hadn’t been interested in before.

  He’d thought maybe telling her about being mates would snap her out of it. Instead, it had put her into a lot of pain and caused her to
faint. He ran a hand through his hair, more weary than he’d felt in a long time.

  He didn’t know where to go from here. It felt like an incredible blessing that he’d been given the chance to see her again, but he didn’t know what he was supposed to do with that chance.

  He didn’t want to hurt her; he’d rather cut off his hands than do that. He also knew his sons would worry, just as soon as Scott spread the news to them. As carefully as he could of course, but all the sons carried baggage in different ways as a result of their mother leaving. All of them would be angry with her. Sam had been angry at first. Angry with her for giving in to the animal inside her who had never been fully tamed. Angry with her for running out that night after they fought.

  Angry with himself for not trying harder to understand, to find a compromise that could have allowed her to stay but helped her feel she wasn’t losing her independence.

  She’d grown up alone, had been roaming wild until she met Sam, and Sam had known the bear inside her was stronger than the human.

  Though that seemed different now. He could barely sense her bear at all.

  That was just another mystery to be solved.

  He decided to go for an early morning walk and left his room to take the elevator down. On the way, he bumped into his son, Sebastien. Assuming he was interrupting him, he tried to step to the side, but instead, with a growl, Sebastien pushed him back with a hard hand on his chest.

  “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Seb asked, eyes flashing with anger as he shepherded his dad back to his hotel room and shut them both inside.

  “What do you mean?” Sam asked, hoping playing dumb would give him a chance to figure out how to explain things to his middle son.

  “You’re keeping her here. Our mother,” Seb said, folding his arms. “After she betrayed us. Hurt all of us. Are you going to put her first? What about your grandkids? You think we’re going to just let her in to bond with them when we know she could get up and abandon them too?”