Rancher Dragon Page 10

  He opened one eye. “It’s a tough job.”

  “But someone’s gotta do it,” she said. “And you know, TJ’s probably going to be out of town soon again. Seems like an opening.”

  He pulled her onto his lap, then down so their lips were a hair’s breadth apart. “The only person who has ever held this much of my heart is you.”

  Then he scooped her up in his arms and kissed her as he carried her upstairs to bed to show her how true that was.

  16

  The next morning, Beck was surprised to see TJ walking down the drive toward him, raising his hand in a wave.

  Beck straightened, setting aside his pitchfork and walking out to meet his friend. He’d enjoyed seeing him yesterday but wasn’t sure why he was back now.

  TJ was smiling as usual, but there was something in the smile that Beck wasn’t sure about.

  “Howdy,” TJ said, coming to a stop a few feet away.

  “Thought you’d be hanging at Dragonclaw,” Beck said, folding his arms. “Told you I wasn’t changing my mind. I owe Sierra a favor.”

  “About that,” TJ said, reaching in his worn jean jacket and pulling out a folded-up piece of paper. “I fixed that. Here.” He handed it over to Beck, who took it and opened it.

  As his eyes moved down the paper, he was startled to read that it was an apology from Ross, along with an included note from his father, signed as well, asserting that Sierra would have no other problem with either of them.

  Beck cocked his head, wondering how TJ had done it. Then he got a sinking feeling, realizing he’d just lost his only excuse for staying around Sierra.

  Of course he was glad she would be safer now. In Texas, a man’s word was as good as his bond.

  And Beck knew enough of Ross’s father to know the man didn’t sign his name to something easily.

  TJ was a good talker. Perhaps he’d just won the man over.

  “How did you get this?”

  TJ rocked back on his heels, looking pleased with himself. “Beck, come on. You know I can handle these things easier’n you can. Ross just needed a little man-to-man conversation, bless his heart.” He grinned. “And now you can come wanderin’.”

  Beck’s chest felt like it was made of granite. Hard and cold.

  He should give the letter to Sierra. Then he should make himself scarce.

  She didn’t need a monster around anymore. She would probably still want him around; Beck knew that to be true.

  Why hadn’t he been thinking more long term about this? About the fact that, at some point, Ross and his cronies would probably back off. And Beck would have no way to justify his nearness to Sierra.

  Knowing what he was.

  Sometimes it felt like she held his entire heart in the palm of her hand. Like she understood him better than anyone else. But he knew there were still some things he didn’t want her to know about him.

  Things he’d never have her know, if possible.

  But perhaps he didn’t have to tell her about the Ross note. He shook his head, ashamed of himself for even thinking it.

  If TJ said she was safe, she was.

  “Look, Beck,” TJ said, his expression sobering. “I did this for a reason. I’m real worried about the two of you. About how this will end up.”

  Beck shoved his hands in his pockets. “What do you mean?”

  TJ sighed. “That’s not temporary. I could see it in the looks between the two of you.”

  Beck couldn’t really argue that he looked at Sierra like the world began and ended in her eyes.

  “You really think it’s safe to settle down?” TJ asked. “There’s a reason I come grab you to wander. I mean, Dragonclaw has lots of space, so there’s not a lot of harm you could do there. But staying on this little homestead? There’s bound to be disaster.”

  “There won’t be,” Beck said. “That was a freak incident that time…” His memory went white-hot with guilt and rage. Rage at himself for doing something so terrible and not even remembering.

  For being as destructive as he’d grown up seeing mountain dragons could be.

  He’d tried to escape that. Harrison and Clancy and Reno and Dallas all made Beck feel like one of them.

  Not a monster.

  “The others here don’t know you,” TJ said almost as if reading Beck’s mind. “Not like I do. They weren’t there.”

  “You wouldn’t—”

  “Of course not, Beck,” TJ said. “But as the one person who truly knows you, I have to ask you what the heck you’re doing endangering the life of someone you truly love.”

  “I could never hurt her,” Beck said. “My dragon—”

  “You don’t control him,” TJ said. “You never have. That thing is a monster.”

  “You never judged me for being a mountain dragon.”

  “No, and I never will,” TJ said, easing Beck’s nerves a bit. “In a way, it wasn’t your fault what happened that night. Because you didn’t know you were doing it. But it still happened, and it still killed people. And you not being aware of how it happened just means it could happen again and you wouldn’t be able to stop it.”

  Beck froze because that made sense to him. He’d been trying to escape that moment in his past for so long.

  Trying to forgive himself and say it was a fluke. That he wasn’t a monster.

  But blood crying from the grave called out to him, and he couldn’t deny that around him, even his mate might be in danger.

  He’d been more aware of this before Sierra.

  Hell, he liked to get drunk whenever he felt his dragon might be coming out, just to restrain it, as it took a smaller form when he was inebriated.

  It was a way to limit himself.

  But his life lately had been more than getting drunk and flying around hopelessly, lying around in dragon form on his favorite part of the edge of Dragonclaw Ranch.

  He had a home now. A woman who loved him.

  He’d tried to stay far from her, but she’d kept inviting him into her life, closer and closer.

  And Beck, damn him, hadn’t been able to resist.

  “I know what you’re thinking,” TJ said. “It’s not fair. You found a way to be happy, finally. As your friend, I wish I could just give my blessing. But if I sat back and came back to a devastated Beck, after he killed his mate in a mudslide, then what kind of friend would I be?”

  Beck blinked. Everything in him felt hollow and heavy at the same time. And confusing.

  It was hard to be back in that place where everything felt out of control.

  He was Beck from Dragonclaw Ranch. He had friends. Men he considered family. And Sierra.

  “TJ…” Beck trailed off, not knowing what to say.

  TJ’s eyes showed clear disappointment. “I didn’t think you could be this selfish, Beck. Not toward your mate.”

  That was what did it. Beck suddenly had the image of Sierra, her beautiful face, her beautiful hands, disappearing under mud. Becoming gray before he could dig her out again.

  Not knowing how it might happen…

  TJ was right. It might have been hundreds of years since the catastrophe, but since no reason had been found, no prevention could be planned.

  “You loved everyone in that town,” TJ said. “Hell, we were just mining up in the mountains, but all you did was come in for supplies a few times a month, and they loved you too. The kids would be like, ‘Beck is coming!’ Beck, if only it were just about your personality. So sweet, so giving. Hell, everyone in that town was crazy about you.”

  “I thought about settling down there,” Beck said. “Letting you take the gold we’d mined and just staying there in peace.” His heart hurt so bad just thinking about it.

  TJ’s expression was somber as well. “I hated waking you up that morning.”

  All Beck had seen was a wash of mud where the town had once been.

  And from then on, Beck had wanted to get close to no one. It had taken many years to forgive himself enough to even make friends with the
other men at Dragonclaw Ranch.

  They hadn’t bothered him when he’d first come looking for work. They didn’t mind his silence, and they appreciated his strong hands.

  And slowly, through the love and teasing of his new makeshift family, Beck had started to heal.

  Frequent trips with TJ, who still treated him the same despite knowing Beck’s dark history, helped also.

  But this time with Sierra had been the best of his life. And Beck thought it would kill something inside him if he truly had to leave her in order to keep her safe.

  He wanted to be the one to keep her safe. To stay beside her. Love her.

  But if he truly loved her, there was only one thing to do.

  “You’re right.” Beck sighed. “I was being stupid and selfish. But what do I do now?”

  “You’re not stupid and selfish, Beck. It’s just a hard situation, knowing you have a monster inside you.”

  It burned to hear TJ say that, but it was the truth.

  “How do I convince her?” He thought of her sweet, smiling face. How a part of him had been fixing up all of her place just because he hoped to be with her.

  It would hurt her so…

  TJ sighed. “You just have to tell her the truth, Beck. Tell her what happened in the past. Tell her your decision.” He blinked, long and slow. “Tell her exactly who you are.”

  “Tell her about dragons?”

  TJ shrugged.

  “But that’s forbidden.”

  “How else are you going to explain killing that many people?”

  Beck felt like it was hard to breathe. “She’ll get in trouble if she knows.”

  “I saw the way she looked at you, Beck. She’d never tell a soul. She loves you.”

  That just made all of this worse.

  “She won’t understand unless you tell her. And you won’t have the resolve to leave.”

  Beck nodded dully. “I’ll do it.”

  “Good,” TJ said, walking forward to pat Beck on the shoulder before turning around to leave. “I’m proud of you, Beck.”

  But for some reason, Beck didn’t care about that.

  All he cared about was the fact that he was going to hurt Sierra.

  He didn’t know how he was going to get through it, but because he loved her, he would.

  Then he’d get the hell out of her life.

  17

  “Beck! What happened? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” Sierra exclaimed as she opened the door to see him standing on the porch.

  It was a little bit early for lunch, but as always, she was happy to see him.

  She reached up to pull him down, longing to feel that beard against her face as they kissed.

  But to her surprise, he stopped her, gently pushing her back as he stepped inside.

  “We have to talk, sweetheart.”

  “What?” Sierra felt like time had stopped. She was so shocked by what he was saying.

  Beck took off his hat, held it in his hands, and led the way into the living room. “This was only supposed to be until you were safe.” He reached in his pocket and pulled out a folded envelope, handing it over to her. “Read this.”

  She did, and when she was finished, she gasped and looked up at him. “What does this mean?”

  “Means your problem is over. You don’t need me around anymore.”

  “But how?” She blinked. “I mean, I trust Ross’s father about this. But how did you get either of them to agree to this?”

  “TJ did it,” Beck said. “He’s smarter than me. Smoother too. I’m sorry I didn’t think of convincing them sooner.”

  Sierra shook her head. “I can’t think of anything that would convince those two stubborn fools other than a bulldozer to the head.” She walked over to the living room window, looking out at the land. “But why now? Is this what you seem so upset about?”

  Beck shook his head. “Can we sit down?” He gestured to the couch. Sierra didn’t like the emotion that was brewing in his gorgeous silver eyes.

  It looked a lot like misery, and she’d do anything to take it away.

  “Of course,” she said, walking over to sit on the couch with him.

  “No, separately,” he said, moving to a chair across from the couch. “You’re so beautiful, darlin’. It’s going to be hard enough to say what I need to say without being so close to your side.”

  “Okay,” she said, nodding. This was the moment she’d been dreading, she guessed. When their fun adventure would end.

  He wasn’t the staying type. He’d told her that.

  “There’s a story I need to tell you,” Beck said. “It’s not an easy one.” He looked down at his hands. “I’ve been around a long time. Longer’n you might think possible.” He looked to the side. “I’m not human.”

  She froze because, of all the things she expected him to say, that wasn’t one of them. That wasn’t even in the top thousand. “What?”

  “What do you know about the legends surrounding Dragonclaw Ranch?”

  She blinked. “I mean, there are some silly tales about actual dragons flying around out there. Shapeshifters. Men who can change into beasts.” She grinned. “You aren’t trying to tell me those old tall tales are real. They’re just to scare people off.”

  His gaze was serious. “I’m a dragon. Well, I have this form and my dragon form. I’m a mountain dragon.”

  “I…” She blinked. “So those old stories my grandpa told were true? He’d swear he saw a drunk dragon flying around when he was younger.” She laughed. “I just assumed he was drunk and looking at clouds, and that’s why he thought he saw a dragon.”

  Beck rubbed the back of his neck. “That might have been me.”

  She felt like she was on some kind of prank show. Like at any moment, someone might step out from behind the camera.

  How could this gorgeous man also be some kind of beast?

  “I know you need time to process it,” he said. “I don’t expect you to believe me, but I owed you the truth. Please don’t tell anyone.”

  She nodded. Of course she wouldn’t. Man or beast, Beck was Beck to her. And she’d never betray him or let him down.

  Aside from being her lover, he was also her very good friend.

  He always would be.

  “A while back, in another state, TJ and I were working a mine together. Next to a town that had been built next to a bigger mining operation. The whole thing was beneath a large mountain.”

  She nodded. “Go on.”

  So Beck did, and as he told her about the tragedy, about how much he’d loved the townspeople, about how TJ had woken him up, telling him something terrible had happened… she felt her heart break for him.

  “Why didn’t TJ stop you?”

  Beck shook his head. “He’s not that kind of dragon. There’d be no way for him to stop me. I’m more‘n twice his size. He said I wouldn’t stop attacking the mountain. Maybe I was dreaming. I don’t know. But it was already wet ground, and because of me, those people all died terribly.” He shook his head. “They never would have if I hadn’t stayed.”

  “You can’t blame yourself for that, Beck,” she said, desperate to try and help him, to soothe that wildly upset look in his eyes.

  This big, strong, kind man didn’t deserve to suffer like this.

  “Mudslides happen all the time,” she said. “It could have been mining, or—”

  “I trust TJ,” Beck said. “He was kind to me when no one else was. He was everything I wanted to be. You should have seen his face the day he had to tell me. But despite that, he never left me. He never stopped being my friend.”

  “Some friend, letting a friend do something like that.”

  “I told you,” Beck said. “It wouldn’t be possible for him to stop me. My dragon is—”

  “You aren’t dangerous to me, Beck,” she said. “Even if you are a dragon. You’re still you. You’re a good person. You—”

  “Stop, Sierra,” he said, standing and coming over to kneel in fr
ont of her, taking her hand. “I love you. You should know that before the end of us. I love you more than I ever thought possible for a monster like me.”

  “Stop, no,” Sierra said, eyes stinging with tears, chest bursting with emotion. “Beck, you’re no monster—”

  “At the end of this, all you need to know, Sierra, is that I’ve killed a lot of people, and I don’t remember killing a lot of people. And I couldn’t bear it if I killed you.”

  “Stop this,” she said, squeezing his hands as he squeezed hers. Then he released her and stepped back.

  “This is the best for both of us. You’ll be safe now, and I’ll be heading out with TJ. If I stay on the move, we should be fine.”

  “You’ve been fine at Dragonclaw!”

  He shook his head. “I’ve been cautious all my life. Ever since that moment. Half the time, I don’t sleep on the ranch if I feel my dragon at the surface.” His eyes begged her to understand. “That’s why I was rude to you, Sierra. Why I didn’t want to do you that favor. From the moment I woke up and saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. But that’s exactly why you don’t deserve to be with a monster.”

  “Don’t call yourself that,” she said, following him to the door as he picked up some of his things.

  “I’ll send Harrison for the rest,” Beck said. She could tell he had all his walls up. That there was nothing she could say to convince him.

  “Beck, there’s so much more to say. I don’t care about what happened in your past or that you’re a dragon…”

  “Then I’ll have to care about your safety for the both of us,” Beck said, opening the front door and striding out of it with full determination. He looked over his shoulder at the center of her dusty drive.

  Her gorgeous cowboy.

  “I love you, sweetheart,” he said.

  Then he got in his truck and pulled away, looking as if it were taking all of his strength to do so.

  It felt like he’d broken her heart out of her ribcage and was taking it with him.

  Sierra went back inside to cry for what both of them had almost had and lost.